I:

Our sometimes friend, Anthony Rimbaud

is imagining

how much more desirable

to live in another world

where spiritual issues take prescidence.

Not this world

L:

How desirable, a city

where men and women of a certain spiritual ambition

lust for the confrontation

with opaque, impenetrable objects

R:
My aim in life --

I:

Do tell

R: (Pauses)

Not to interpret and understand

what’s encountered

but rather

the hope to encounter

the inexplicable.

I desire to exist, in such a world only.

I do not live

in such a world

L:

But you dream of such a world

in dream languages only--

R:

The only languages I know

are languages I reject

--though I am still forced to use such languages

because those are the lauguages that exist

--so I twist those languages

and they becomes opaque -- like the world I am imagining.

(Pause)

Please. I want this world to be a world where

my opaque being encounters the opaque being-ness

of precious objects that are hinted at--

by a life

that is impenetrable to me!

Such beauty could feed me

I:

Is that why you hold you head?

R: (slowly does so)

Yes

I:

Are you trying to make the pressure on the outside of the head equal to the pressure on the inside of the head?

R:

Yes

I:

Is that why you’re trembling?

R

Yes

I:

Is that why I’m trembling also?

R:

I know you have secret things in your own life also

I:

Maybe I do, Anthony Rimbaud

R:

Opaque and unknowable experience?

I:

I don’t know. You tell me

R:

Right. Those are the rules

L:
What rules?

R:

The rules are that one can have the experience, without knowing the rules that give rise to one’s experience

L:

Sometimes, it’s a momentary whim-- to have experiences

(There is a noise)

If it’s just a whim-- then there are no rules.

(Noise louder)

I don’t think there are any rules. No rules!

(Noise very loud. Reactions. It cuts)

R:

Somebody got off the bus at the wrong moment, I’m afraid.

It was passing through a bad neighborhood I’m afraid.

So should I confront disaster head on?

Or should I be genteel in the face of disaster

I:

How would that manifest itself, Anthony Rimbaud, except as a ki d of shyness

L:

Right. Most people would be thinking-- how genteel is our sometimes friend, Anthony Rimbaud. But the smart ones would be thinking-- our friend Anthony Rimbaud is shy-- look how he veers away from personal disaster

I:

Our friend Anthony Rimbaud believes that his name itself, is an invocation of disaster

R:

I hear my name--

ringing in my head like a church bell

L:

Anthony Rimbaud--

nobody in the room takes you seriously

R:

Yert IU am a serious person

L:

Do we know that for a fact?

R:

I should be taken very seriously

I:

Anthgony Rimbaud is a very serious person

L:

A serious person in the wong environment

R:(As L gets a golfclub)

But where I am now, is where I am now--

(Crying out as L wacks club on wall)

Ow! Ow!

L:

This hurts me, more than it hurts Anthony Rimbaud

R: (another smash)

Oww!

(activity. Falls, sexual etc)

R: (recovers)

Can you possibly know what I’m experiencing

I:

Pain?

R:

Something worse

I:

What could be worse

R:

She didn’t really make contact-- are you aware of that? It was a trick.

L:

But you cried out in pain

R:

Yes, but before and after, it was even worse

I:

What made it worse

R:
I dare not tell

I:
Tell me

R: (pause, quiet)

Stage fright.

(Pause)

Stage fright.

(pause)

ALL: (working up to it)

Stage fright! Stage fright! Stage fright!

* * *

M:

You understand? I want to say things that will be very disturbing. Upsetting not to others, such as yourself, but to myself in particular.

I want things said, that will cut me like a knife. In that hope, I want your collaboration

E:

Why should I collaborate with you of all people?

M:

I need to experience that kind of pressure

E:
Why

M:
Don’t ask why! Just decide whether or not you’ll collaborate. For a suitable sum of course.

E: (Pause)

Let me think about this

(exit)

K: (in cake, dressed in leather)

I don’t suppose you recognize me, do you Mendle Schwartz

M:

No I don’t recognize you

K:

I’ve been watching you, from behind closed doors, for a long long time

M:

How quaint. How very quaint

K:

Who am I, please?

E:

Define yourself

M:

I refuse

E:

What do you refuse

M:

I refuse. I absolutely refuse to meditate on such things

K:

Ah, your mind is on fire?

K:

Bravo. Bravo. Just a glance in a certain relevent direction-- a brillant maneuver.

M:

I am an everyday person.

There is nothing unusual about me

I have no fire inside me

Yet, I want your attention, please.

Why. Why. Why.

Because I am dangerous in my passivity

K: (pause)

Then your passivity is something very intense

(Pause)

M:
Perhaps

K:

Then I want nothing more to do with you

(exits)

M:

Oh dear. Possibly I am misunderstood

E:
Should we allow ourselves a respite

M:
Don’t open the blinds

E:
Why

M:
Just don’t

(open. man. close)

I told you

E:

Who is that

M:
A man who keeps telling me he can’t live without me

E:
Really?

M:
Yes

E: (Pause)

Then whatever happens, you’ll stay amongst us

M: (hesitates)

Yes--

E:
I don’t understand that hesitation

M:
There is no hesitation

E:
I want you to notice, a bed’s been prepared

M:

I’m ready for that bed-- that is, if I undress

E:
You can even use it not getting completely undressed

M:

Just the shoes

E:

Yes. Take off the shoes

M:

Well, maybe not

E: (Pause)

If a door opens--

M:

A door?

E:

Enter a room.

(She opens big door. messiah with big head.

Door closes)

* * *

M:

You say --whatever happens. But its true that I can imagine a less desirable catagory of things. . .

(repeat messiah)

M:
Am I in Paradise?

Well-- yes

E:
This doesn’t look like Paradise

M:
This is Paradise

E:
You mean, in a certain sense, this is Paradise

M:
Such sublty is beyond me

E:
I think not, because you are the one who says-- this is Paradise

M:
This does not mean that I am subtle. It simply means-- this is Paradise

(Pause. Consider)

This is Paradise, but why.

E:

You are the one person to say-- this is Paradise

M: (alone)

The inner turmoil. The blood inside me

M:
Here I am, doing my thing. Here I am, doing my Paradise thing

K:
Are you in Paradise, doing your thing

M:
I am

(Pause)

I am not here in Paradise, and then-- I am

K:
This does not look like Paradise

M:
Here I am, doing my thing in a place that looks like Paradise

K:
No

M:
It doesn’t look like Paradise

K:
No

M:
Here I am, doing my thing in Paradise

K:

This is in Paradise

M:
This is in Paradise
Here is a list of potent items

A crown

E:
Here is a crown

M:

A drum

E:

Here is a drum

M:

Hand

E:

Here is a hand

M:
Blindfold

K:
Blindfold

M:
Knife

E:

Knife.

K:
You favor physical objets over people

M:
I favor not people, but what is inside people. And the potent physical objects I choose perform excavations inside people

K:

Oh?

M:

You see? A brass trumpet would express your “OH” in a way that would shake things as they are to their very foundations

(pause, blows?)

I’d like to be turned inside out

K:

Would you?

M:
Well, it was a momentary lust for something I probably can’t handle

E:

Crown

stabbing oneself

Large hands

blindfold

cape

eyeglasses

wings

M:

This is not me needing help

G:

This is not me

M:

Could it be. Could it be that darkness is my special province

K:

Knock knock

M:
No. Nobody gets inside

K:
Why is this door here, if nobody gets inside

M:
So that people can know-- inside, exists not

(Open Messiah. Close)

the truth is -- this thing will be opaque

it ‘s very hard to know the rules here

* * *

the belief that something is opaque --is fragile

and hard to penetrate

it’s always fragile.?

He believes it’s always fragile

Since he’s not in the room,

he can’t tell us about it

if he were here

we could decide

whether or not to believe him

this would be hard

Subtle things are hard

So shut up.

He might be talking,

but because he’s not in the room

we don’t know know,

we do not know

we do not know!

3)

To be a child again

-- would be charming

Why

I could play with things

that are opaque --

that I don’t understand.

That would be excellent

Yes, I’d wobble

I’d like that

4)

Are you OK?

I’m OK

I was worried to see you

applying pressure to your head.

Are you trying to cause pressure on

the outside of your head

be equal to the pressure inside?

That’s opaque

Opaque means-- good?

Now we know something about

the way of the world.

what we know about the way of the world is

the way of the world.

Who can say this isn’t really happening?

there are things

that are different from the way we expected

that’s a subtle difference

But it reminds me of something

Yes. Your expectation maybe.

I’m ready to be reminded

what happens next my not be a reminder

the rules of this city

are never broken

What rules

opaque rules--

Subtle rules

Yes

I may have to be reminded about that

I’m remonding you.

5)

friend Lawrence knows

his gestures may be misunderstood

Is that why he makes them?

He has the opportunity

to repeat them

Is that satisfying?

almost as satisfying as remembering things

Choose between remembering

and repeating

they’re both satisfying .

Do one of two things.

Mah 5

idiot hotel 8

Is it a whim

to have behavior

instead of reality?

Is it a whim

to have experiences ?

(Noise builds)

Nobody stops up their ears

in the neighborhood

of such energy

I do

(More moise)

Nobody stops up ears

in the neighborhood of such noise

such noise

such noise

such noise

mh 16

id hot 6

8) Somebody

got off the bus

at the wrong moment.

It was passing through a bad neighborhood

this is my opportunity for discoveries

what discoveries?

discoveries

mah 6

idot ht 8 drum

Nobody in this room

speaks the language of unhappiness

speak means

break into a hundred syllables

What happens half happens,

we have hypothetical knowledge

of that situation

I’d rather straddle my experience than be

self victemized in small packages of discrete events

some things seem to happen as a

result of other things--

let’s pretend everything is reversable.

energy

excapes in the cracks.

careful--

I’d rather

not go blind.

If energy blinds people,

so be it.

That’s not a great

price to pay,

if it’s real energy we’re talking about

so be it

So be it.

fuckgoodstuf 1

mah 3

This didn’t really happen

tomorrow brings

even more surprises.

Number 1) That’s all there is,

Number 2) That’s enough.

Mah 30

f goodstuff 5

this was my idea

from the beginning.

like all ideas

it leaves something out,

what you see

is what you get

No, what you don’t see

is what you get,

When you say that,

it’s difficult not to

flash a mental image--

do we see what we get?

or do we see what we don’t get

listening

to these words

he may not be doing

the same thing with those words.

does he see what he gets?

you don’t get it

and if you don’t get it

then

he doesn’t get it either

get it?

Get it?

Get it?

mah 3: f goodstuf 1

This language

doesn’t mean much

to the person who is speaking

But to Lawrence

it’s everything.

because its evocativeness

is someplace else--

just like everything in life

is someplace else

Oh no --

here’s our friend--

and there’s nothing elsewhere in this.

See? he twists and turns

No. The minute we begin talking--

oh spare me, spare me

this complicated analogy.

I’d rather not be

in this particular ball-game

But you are

Here comes the ball

speeding toward you.

You lift your hands,

but the ball manages to slip through my hands

at full velocity--

and hits me in my head.

Right now,

it is hitting me in the head

that ball is

hitting me in the head

hitting me in the head.

(song)

I don’t know

the name of my best friend

I have no best friend

It’s you, it’s you, it’s you

I don’t know

where I’ll be later tonite

but that’s ok because

wherever I am

you’re with me in my dreams

you’re with me in my dreams

I don’t know how to remember my dreams

So I make them up

That’s just as good

that’s just as good

Of course it is

of course it is

of course it is

13)

Is it good to confront

disaster head on--

or should he be

genteel in the face of disaster

That would manefest

itself as a kind of shyness.

everybody would say

oh Our friend Lawrence

how genteel you are

but others would be thinking

oh Our friend Lawrence is shy

so he shies away from personal disaster

Our friend Lawrence--

believes that

his name itself is a invocation

of disaster,

I hear my name ringing in my head

like a church bell

Nobody in this entire city

takes you seriously

Yet I am a serious person.

Do you know that?

I should be taken very seriously

Lawrence is a serious person

Our friend Lawrence, our friend Lawrence

Now that I’m in china, I better learn how to use chopsticks

But Oh, Friend Lawrence, this is not China, this is a city in America

But Friend Lawrence, it is true, likes to think of himself in China

because then he is able to see things in front of his eyes

new and fresh

as if

a newcomer indeed

in a foreign land

where all seems beautiful and strange

Now that I’m in China

I’d better learn how to use chopsticks--

but these are too big for my fingers

After a while, as you become confortable with these chopsticks

they will seem to shrink in size, Our friend Lawrence.

Now that I’m in China--

This is not China, Friend Lawrence

Strange-- it doesn’t look like a city in America

Maybe there is a part of a city in America

that looks like this looks,--but I am simply not familar

with that part of such a city in America

Now that I’m in china

it’s true-- it feels that I am on the other side of the earth

walking upside down.

True, or just your imagination, Our friend Lawrence

True

True, or just your desire for a certain psychic disorientation, Friend Lawrence

True, true, true, true!

15)

Now that I’m in China

I operate under the belief system that things spoken

are incisive and wonderful things

because the langauge that I cannot understand

allows me to believe such a thing

And our friend Lawrence

tends to deny himself

spoken language

because a language that is understandable

speaks things that are understandable

and this is not one hundred percent exciting

to our friend Lawrence

who truly lusts, one might say

for the things that are not understadable

but-- that are opaque to his understanding

he lusts for this excitment and this

opaquencess

this is his lust

this is his excitiment

this is true’

this is true

this is the true lust of Our friend Lawrence

Our friend Lawrence

Our friend Lawrence

was my ideal

fat person

because he wasn’t fat

he was our friend Lawrence

our friend Lawrence!

our friend Lawrence is

almost invisible -- look.

light from another world

reveal facial details

that turn his face into its opposite

what’s the opposite of

a particular face?

He lives

in the details.

This’s his way

of navagating the difference--

-- wait a minute--

the surge in my mental capacity

is completely predictable.

(Pause)

am I here for the duration

or just passing through.

words wear out don’t they?

after they wear out

are they words?

Something that

twists the mouth into

funny shapes,

could be called

kisses.

Are you looking for that kiss

that turns words into--

sweet things

Now that I’m in china,

I’d better learn how to pronounce

funny chinese words

the twang in your voice--

is already chinese to my lips--

Chinese people never kiss

if Chinese people don’t kiss,

how do they make babies--

Cinese people

come out upside down

Right--

this is the other side of the world, isn’t it?

Right

a chinese point of view--

is an opaque point of view

This is very exciting to me

because the chinese language--

Kiss me

I don’t know how to kiss

in the chinese language,

so it’s impossible for me

to imagine having chinese babies

Oh we all love

chinese babies

chinese babies

chinese babies

Our friend Lawrence knows

time waits for no man

so he was enraged

at the idea of wasting time.

He made it

his special idea

to eat all meals

in a spceial chinese resturant

--but this did not prove

he was in China

because chinese style resturants

exist in many cities

outside the borders

of the china

chinese resturants

are often impenetrable,

because one can’t compute

the vast number of combinations

produceable with chinese ingreedients

to produce the formidable variety

in the number of dishes

that do go on and on

in a chinese resturant.

time waits for no man

This enrages me

It takes time

to calculate the number of

possible dishes,

how much better, then,

to say impenetrable

as a substitute for log calculations

that would

add to the pressure of time

which I hope to

avoid whenever possible.

the pressure of time

is unendurable

But o confront the opaque

and call it the unfathomable

--is to take joy

in the opaque and in the unfathomable.

This let’s time pass

with no stress

Confession is good for the soul. But I have nothing to confess.

What a disappointment. My whole life-- is full of similar complaints. Am I a real person?

This sounds like ice-skating music-- but I don’t ice-skate.

What’s the connection.

Huh?

Am I stupid? I don’t think so. One never knows, however

Am I stupid? I hope so.

Do I care about my own stupidity?

I am not stupid

Emotional fulfilment only. That’s all. What I’m looking for from this relationship? That’s easy. Emotional fulfilment

That’s what I’m looking for in all my experiences

Me too. Emotional fulfillment

(Pause)

What do you mean exactly by emotional fulfillment

I mean-- deepseated emotions-- feeling that-- an experience that produces that

Emotional fullfillment

Yes

Me too

The question is, what is going to provide that emotional fulfilment

Yes, I can imagine that’s the question

That is the question

At some point, I stopped feeling myself relevent. Does that impress you ?

Everything you say impresses me

I am no longer relevent

I see that

Do you know that for a fact?

I know that definitely for a fact

If I am no longer relevent, what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life

Ah. I almost wrote down one of the forbidden words

But you didn’t

I didn’t

I didn’t see you writing, I mean-- about to write

That’s because-- this isn’t where my real life takes place

Oh? In the next room?

There is no “next room”

Oh? Then this must be where your life takes place

Do you see me, right now, writing something down?

I do not

That proves this is not where my real life takes place

I could say the same thing

Yes

Ah! I didn’t write down one of the forbidden words

Such as--?

I can’t think of any

Then, why did you say--

The reason I said it is as follows. If it had been written-- it would be insufficient, because I have always found, alas, all words-- ultimately, insufficient. And I chose to forbid myself such insufficiency, because the manifestation of such insufficiency is, to say the least, hunmiliating to me

(beaten with cane)

Ow! ow!

This hurts me more than it hurrts you

Ow!

Wait

Too late

Wait--

No-- the whole process has started

Oh, I’m well aware of that-- you think when I say “wait”, you think I’m trying to interfere with something that’s already started, but that’s not true

Wait

See? Everything proceeds as normal

(Pause)

What I was offering you was half my sandwhich

(a roing table and food)

Wouldn’t you rather dine with me OK?

You mean in style

Style is OK

Yes, but what can we do with the sandwhich

Well, let’s eat it, and then proceed to dine in style

OK

(Eat. both go sit at table)

Now, I’m not hungery

Let’s be polite about this

OK

(eaten fast)

I don’t feel good

Surprise. You’ve been tricked

When you said “wait”--

I though YOU said that

Anyway-- wait. We should have waited

Yes. I suppose we should have obeyed that command

Wait

Wait

(Up, stagger, fall)

Do you know what I’m experiencing?

No

(Pause)

Stage fright! Stage fright!

BOTH:

Stage fright! Stage fright!

(Pause)

* * *

You understand? I want to say things that will be disturbing. Not to others, but to myself

I want things said, that will cut me like a knife. In that, I want your collaboration

Why should I collaborate with you?

I need to experience that kind of pressure

Why

Don’t ask! Just decide if you’ll collaborate. For a suitable sum of course.

(Pause)

Let me think about this

(exit)

I don’t suppose you recognize me,

No

I’ve been watching you in secret

How quaint.

Who am I?

Define yourself

I refuse

What do you refuse

I refuse.

is your mind is on fire?

I am an everyday person.

I have no fire inside me

Yet, I want your attention,

Why?

Because my passivity is dangerous

(pause)

Then your passivity is something very intense

(Pause)

Perhaps

Then I want nothing more to do with you

(exits)

Maybe I’ve been misunderstood

Should we allow a respite

Don’t open the blinds

Why

Just don’t

(open. man. close)

I told you

Who is that

A man who says he can’t live without me

Really?

Yes

(Pause)

Then whatever happens, you’ll stay here

(hesitates)

Yes--

I don’t understand the hesitation

no hesitation

notice, a bed’s ready

OK I’m ready for that -- if I undress

You can use it not getting completely undressed

Just the shoes?

That would be good

Well, maybe not

(Pause)

If a door opens--

A door?

(She opens big door. messiah with big head.

Door closes)

* * *

its true that I can imagine something even less desirable . .

(repeat messiah)

Is this Paradise?

This doesn’t look like Paradise

This is Paradise

You mean, in a certain sense--

Such sublty is beyond me

You’re the one who says-- this is Paradise

That’s not subtle, it just means-- this is Paradise

(Pause. Consider)

This is Paradise. Why

You just said it-- this is Paradise

(alone)

The inner turmoil inside me

Here I am, doing my thing. Here I am, doing my Paradise thing

Are you in Paradise, doing your thing

I am

(Pause)

I am not in Paradise, and then-- I am

This does not look like Paradise

Here I am, doing my thing in a place that looks like Paradise

No

It doesn’t look like Paradise

No

Here I am, doing my thing in Paradise

This is Paradise

This is in Paradise
Here is a list of potent items

A crown

A drum

Hand

Blindfold

Blindfold

Knife

Knife.

You favor objets over people

I favor what is inside people. And the physical objects I choose excavate inside people

Oh?

You see? A brass trumpet would express “OH” in a way that would shake things to their foundations

(pause, blows?)

I’d like being turned inside out

Would you?

Well, it was a momentary lust for something I probably can’t handle

Crown

stabbing oneself

Large hands

blindfold

cape

eyeglasses

wings

This is not me needing help

This is not me either

Knock knock

No. Nobody gets inside

Why is there this door, if nobody gets inside

So that people can know-- inside this, there’s no inside

(Open Messiah. Close)

At a certain point, towards the end of my life, I realized-- the rewards I expected were not forthcoming. This was surprising to me--

(bell)

Who’s there?

(T opens, gets letter)

This is for you,

This is undeniably for me. So I’ll put it in here

N:

No questions?

(Pause)

No questions?

Crown

large hands

stabbing oneself with a knife

Blindfold

Cape

Eye-glasses

Wings

Somnebody’s been lying to me about life

Everything is a response to pain.

Emotional, physical-- without pain-- nothing

Then maybe nothing is desirable

Right. Nothing is desirable. But of course-- that’s a trap also

(Pause)

It’s very easy to be negative about things

Just wait-- Nothing painful yet?

Not yet?

When sleep turns out to be my only escape from pain, maybe then. . .

Yes?

(open door, Messiah

Why is it, I don’t get the energy to speak unless I manifest things that are tearing me apart

hoping, hoping, hoping for some semi-appropriate response

hoping to cause please, a tremendous BURNING sensation inside all dreamed of articuless and articulatables--

Why is it that I have nothing but MYSELF, MYSELF, MYSELF--

Sending roots into the exhausted earth.

Vanity vanity vanity.

The idea

was not for fruit

to perform its annual mechanism

But rather

an appropriate

down time

--end of time

That blatent,

tremendous

hover

to sustain me.

And I swallowed

whole

all my expectations

and revole

here and now

like the pure air machine

I had always believed myself to be in reality

You see my problem.

I am no longer interesting to you

I too am no longer interesting.

Why do you make me say such things?

Please. It was never really me-- though I understand--

:
--What? What.

You try to persuade me of your invisible nature

I thought you were Mr. Invisible

I was.

Was -- past tense

-- present tense

“This is the cerimony, of the great breaking of the head

against HARD STONE”

(have set canvas, portrait, head blank?)

Now:

I would prefer

not to see myself in some fucking mirror that never answers

(to wall)

Now. You are lost to me, completely-- and I do reach for some residue

inside my own deep and empty spaces, right?

(Pause)

First-- lose everything

Lose what. Tell me

(posing?)
Lose it

OK. I have lost

Lose it

Careful, you re-start my anticipation

Lose it

(Pause)

If I were to speak to you of some inner desire that ended, not in facts-- but in opportunities lost--

(brushes)

See-- the more you circle my being appropriately dead, the more you wear those illusionary flowers I would neer be able to paint into my own masterpiece. --See? I hold paint brushes between my fingers-- and as they tremble slightly--

I do read their stacatto language

un-captured against so many mediocre

‘where could they be hiding’ canvases of my own--

but now, to the real depth of things--

Ah

(brushes into face)

I am painting this face probably. because I’d like it to be my own so invisible thing.

Your face is still visible

But yours, with the anticipation of my own pain

Yes I anticipate pain-- but I have no way to make that remarkable like you do

No resources--

Right. No resources

--then we must move forward immediately

We are not moving

Oh yes, we are moving. We are moving.

A bit of stage fright freezes the moment momentarily perhaps,

but we are moving. We are certainly moving!

(Music crests)

(silence)

ALL (soft)

Stage fright. Stage fright. Stage fright

Is it still true

that daring to look into a room

with a green light over the door--

Remember. Violent things are happening behind that door

On which side?

visible thing

spill into the torturous

forget-me-not

of “I can’t see it, you can’t see it”

Nobody sees it

except that man still invisible until

he stumbles on things

quite by accident

(Open door, geometry? Strings?)

Please.

What’s in this space--

Look how we gravitate towards, with my milk, non milk

VOICE

residue of milk, nourishment of total milk

This platter, please. This glass without expectation, says

be berift, please. Be a prisoner of my beauty

VOICE
Our friend Lawrence

(all hide eyes)

Our friend Lawrence

lives in a city

from which no escape is possible.

However, an alternate city exists

Here is our friend, Lawrence

He is imagining now,

how much more desirable it would be

to live in a city

not this one

where certian spiritual issues would certainly take prescidence.

Oh, How desirable to live in such a city

where men and women both, lust for the confrontation

with opaque objects, impenetrable

and therefore

fascinating to men and women such as our friend Lawrence

who’s aim in life -- not to interpret -- not to fully understand

everything which might be encountered in that life inside that blessed city--

but rather

the hoped for encounter with that which, in its depths

is truly the inexplicable.

Am I right?

Yes. You are right.

Such a glorious city, where this might transpire

would be a city inside of wich

one would truly desire to exist, day by day by day

which gives pain to our friend Lawrence

who realizes deeply

that he does not now live

in such a city,

but he does dream it,

he does still dream of such a city in many languages--

though he himself

knows only that single language which is neither

the language of birds

nor other animals, nor angles,

but rather

that speakable language that he, friend Lawrence has rejected

--though still using, himself, such a language

which is the one language he is able to speak, alas--

Alas

Alas--

--trying as best he might, twisting that language

til it becomes--

--opaque as the world is opaque

and a special city perhaps,

can become a whole world in that language

--so that special city becomes

a whole world

in which he desires to make

his own opaque being

encounter the opaque being-ness

of many precious objets

hinted at by life elsewhere

that can never be penetrated, here or elsewhere,

because of such great and enigmatic beauty

--wherein

--one is fed by such beauty alone

and such beauty alone

is enough to feed one completely

(milk in?)

This is why he holds his head?

--this is the cause of his trembling

--which may or may not be the cause

of that trembling which others are trembling also

lives also

holding secret things inside other lives also

which cause trembling.

But these things are unknown to us

in a way that things in the life of our friend Lawrence

are no longer unknown to us

-- though they are still

things that are truly opaque

and unknowable.

Shall we go to South America?

What do they have there that’s appealing?

Be careful, friend Lawrence

The green light over the door you’re thinking about

means-- well--

violent things are happening behind that door

Are they indescribable

No. They are not indescribable. But you will have to be willing to use words you may not ne willing to use

Terrible words such as fuck, puss, stumbling shit prick, vermine bastard, cunt, shitface

(open door, wandering jew dances. Close)

What does my consciousness really know of such things

Nothing really. Which is why the belief system you propose--

Did I propose an entire belief system?

It sustains a world that is increasingly unbearable to the rest of us

That’s the story of my life. An unrecognizable story.

Unrecognizable-- because it lacks feeling

:
A life that lacks feeling

That’s why it’s secret from us.

But this is important, because by staying secret, it gains internal pressure, and that pressure is capable of producing-- wonderful things

I’d like to see some of those things

In other words

What

You’d like me to sacrifice my life, to your happiness

(Pause)

Really? Is that all it takes?

You’d like me to sacrifice my life to your-- emotional fulfilment

Yes. I would

I refuse

Then I refuse also.

What I refuse is taking you into my confidence

Ah. This is something new from our friend Lawrence

(Pause)
The justificatiuon of my entire life--

Is he taking us into his confidence?

My deep and profound desire is to speak the truth

About what

I don’t know just--the truth. The truth about my connection to other things

What things?

Other things

What things are other things

You are here to cause me trouble

That could be. Isn’t that what I’m paid for?

Let me think.

No. I can’t think

Why not?

(Pause)

ALL:

Stage fright! Stage fright! Stage fright!

(wallet)
So-- take this for now

How much is that

two hundred

I want more

Two hundred is a lot

That’s all?

For now

Guess what happens

What

This is bad news, I’m afraid

It looks like he’s going to start beating the shit out of you

That’s what it looks like

A drink first?

(phone)

Answer that

No

Why not

the telephone has certainly caused me grief

(book presented. Cloth off.

This book has certainly caused me grief.

(Pause)

Kiss it

(done.)

This book has certainly caused me grief.

(Takes it)

I think I‘ll rip it to pieces, if that’s ok?

(grabbed, thrown to floor.)

Kiss it

(On floor. Kisses it? Rolls on back, they are kicking him)

You should get yourself in shape

You should work out a little

I don’t think he looks sufficiently muscular

You don’t look particularly muscular to me

Right. I plan to work out

Of course, I’d be a little worried if you get too muscular

(all laugh)

Look. Since we are all going to die anyway, it doesn’t matter what happens to us. Therefore. I suggest we kill people

What people

People we don’t like. I mean-- really evil people

I know some

Who.

(Pause, action)

OK. Maybe we should consider this

(she hits him with club)

Ow! Do you like playing golf?

Yes, I do

Why

You know I like golf, friend Lawrence. We’ve been friends for ten years--

Twelve years I think--

(Pause)

You should know by now, that golf is one of my hobbies

Yes. I’ve seen you going off to play golf so often, I’ve concluded it must be a hobby

I like it

I guess you do

(Pause)

Are you good at it?

She hopes to get better

(hit?)

I’m a dangerous and untrustworthy person. I think you should know that

(smiles)

Thank you for telling us

I can see you don’t believe me

Would you say you are a threat to society?

He says-- would you say you are a threat to society?

Probably. At any moment, I may go to the bookcase, and take out a book at random, open it --randomly, look what’s written on the page I open to at random, and find in that randomly chosen example-- blinding, overwhelming truth

Lucky you

You don’t believe me

I believe you might possibly do such a thing. But I don’t believe the page you open to will automatically contain some blinding truth

Ah, but you think it might.

Accidentally you might open a page containing something you could twist in such a way that it could seem to echo some undeniable truth. But that would be accidental

(Hits)

What kind of a person are you, really? Help us to understand?

OK. I’m going to put ten dollars in each of these shoes. Now I’m going to ask you to wear the shoe with the ten dollars inside.

(Done)

Probably not all the shoes fit perfectly

My shoe doesn’t.

Does the ten dollars help?

No

Ten dollars not a significant sum

True

(Pause)

Well. We have the ten dollars in our shoes. Now what

I want the two of you to go in the closet

Why

I want to see what happens if you’re locked together in this closet for two hours together

Do you think we’d have sex

I don’t know. Are both of you wonderful human beings?

What is that supposed to mean

I don’t know

(Pause)

Take the ten dollars out of the shoe and see if it smells of feet

(Done)

Not really

(gets drinks)

This is my favorite time of day thank god.

What are you recommending

I recommend coctails

OK

I thought friend Lawrence didn’t drink

Can we offer you a drink?

OK

Vodka?

Why not

(after he drinks)

It could have a bad effect on you

(Pause)

Are you going to fall down?

No.

Do you hear music?

I don’t hear anything. I don’t hear any music

There is music

Perhaps, but I don’t hear it

(E is dancing)

I can assure you. There IS music

I don’t care really. Silence is golden also

(pause)

I have to admit. In your own way-- you are a great human being, friend Lawrence. But because you’ve been a bad boy, I’m going to beat you with this club

How have I been bad?

I think you know

(Pause)

You’ve had sexual relations with this lady

Who

My wife

No I have not done that

But you have

I haven’t

You have

(Pause)

In my dreams, I have. But that’s no reason to beat me

Isn’t it possible, as a normal human being, I’m jealous?

(hits)

Ow!

That hurt--

I meant it to hurt

You may be jealous, but there are a lot of other considerations

Oh, I know that

Such as-- why did she come to sleep with me in my dreams?

(Pause)

Punishment often comes as a surprise

(wack)

Ow!

Come on, take it like a man

OK. Do your worst to me.

(Pause)

Well?

This doesn’t make sense. I should be the one receiving punishment

What an asshole you are! It’s of no help to me if you behave like an asshole!

I’m sorry

I do not forgive you!

I can’t help it.

(Pause)

I probably have stage fright.

Stage fright! Stage fright! Stage fright!

ALL:
Stage Fright! Stage fright! Stage fright!

Why do these irrational things pop out of me?

Each of us could complain of similar things

Really?

I do think so

(light over door)

Remind me-- What does it mean when the green light goes on over that door?

Listen everyody. we’re all nervous , we’re all uptight. Let’s have drinks

Alcohol?

Yes. It’ll enable us to losen up. Make contact with our creative resources

But isn’t there a risk we’ll just sort of stagger around being drunk?

That’s a risk-- but it’s my belief the benifits are potentially greater than the risks

OK then. Let’s have drinks.

(Pause)

Where are the drinks?

(open wallet, takes out cash)

Here. Go get us some drinks

Where does this money come from?

You don’t want to know about such things

Oh? Why is that

People get nervous about money. They don’t like to think deeply about such things

Oh? You mean, the lilies of the field ask not?

Right

But you like having money to throw around, isn’t that true, friend Lawrence?

I’m not throwing it around, it seems to me

(He tosses some in the air. Others go down on the floor scrambling for it)

It’s a GIFT. Think about it.

How did it come to be, that there is MONEY rather than no money!

Where did it come from-- how did the world decide to invent and spew forth MONEY! What is the first cause of this MONEY!

(Pause, all quiets down)

Ah. This too shall pass

This will not pass, asshole.

(He is tying up Lawrence)

Is that the same thing? In my case at least

(Pause)

(finding more money in Lawrence’s pockets)

Don’t worry abouit your money

I’m not thinking about my money

(as other exits)

It’s God. That’s what I’m thinking about

This is the modern world. There is no God

Well of course-- but is everything explainable-- Or are some things still a mystery. Such as-- why is there something-- rather than nothing at all in which we find ourselves

(Pause)
Some things are a mystery

OK. I prove my point

What point do you prove

God. I dare to use the forbidden term -- for something that isn’t old fashioned after all. The opaque

OK. Then let’s go someplace where just you and I-- can have a closer relationship to this God you just mentioned

Agreed

Where is that someplace?

Where is that someplace

Through that door.

Really?

I’ll throw this switch, which will turn on the green light over the door-- and when it goes on it’ll mean--OK, now it’s OK to go through

(She comes close to him)

Relax. I can see tension--

I can’t relax

Why not

OK . Let’s go to China

Why do you say China

Let’s go to China

(enter K. Overcoat)

He wants to go to China

Ah, he wants to go to China where they speak chinese--

Yes, I want to go to China and speak chinese

Listen everybody--

(buzzer and green light)

Wait a minute! What does it really mean when the green light goes on over that door.

What it means is simply that violent things are happening inside. Not the right kind of place for our friend Lawrence

Why not

I don’t think so

Why is it like this

Like what

Well-- I have this appendage that swells up. It’s called my penis. And a great variety of species have a similar system. But why?

Why is this the way things are

Make me understand

Is it time to tell the truth?

Yes,

No. I don’t think it’s time to tell the truth

Understand me please. I want you to say things that will be very disturbing. Upsetting not to others, such as yourself, but to me myself in particular.

I want things said, that will cut me like a knife. In that hope, I want your collaboration

Why do you need my help

I need to experience that kind of pressure

Why-- ask him why

Why

You don’t ask me why. You just decide whether or not you’ll collaborate. For a suitable fee, of course.

(Pause)

Let me think about this

(exit)

You know I think I recognize you after all

Then all prophicies are fulfilled. This is an appropriate room. The things that are possible here--

Don’t say any more

They happen, I think, for only one reason. This room can be witness

For what reason

A witness

For what reason ?

Some things are measurable on a scale whose co-ordinants are not know to us-- for instance, the grid on which I can chart my experience-- is not my experience

This is your experience, not my experience

It is a vulgar world, my friend, that sustains these belief systems from which we are trying to escape

OK. I think escape might be desirable

For that reason, I am already holding my head

OK. I am holding my head also. Doing a private kind of suffering, I admit.

Why aren’t you holding your head

Is it because my hands are unavailable?

Yes. I suppose that could be the reason

There could be another reason

Stage fright. Stage fright. Stage fright.

Let’s see what happens if you get untied

(released)

ALL:

Stage fright! Stage fright! Stage fright!

(much repetition, variation)

THE END