If I am not your friend, this also could be a source of energy.

Was God speaking to me in the details of the world from which he has withdrawn. Leaving hints in things-- but of course, his withdrawal was but another make believe adventure

(Is it God I was after? No, I still am trying to find out.

Donít let your illusions vanish, Micheal Caponechi, because without your illusions, you will be forced to see things bothg as they are and as they are not-- totally without separation. This may be too much for someone such as yourself to assimilate)I am cured. My head talks back to me

That doesnít sound like being cured

Oh. Perhaps if I read the story of my own life which I believe is recorded in this very large book.

Ask God first

You mean, for permission to read about myself?

Of course, this canít be undertaken without Godís permission

Where is he. Where is he hiding out

Oh, heís still here

This is hard to believe

Is it

(Pause)

I have to find out about myself before I can confront this giant beling you say is here and I say I donít know because this is my great obcession

(Pause)

We share the same broken bits and pieces

Recollect for me

Who?

(Pause)

Make me think Iím looking into a mirror

I donít want to do everything you make me do--

Ah, Godlike pretensions on your part

The opposite

What could possibly be the opposite

(Pause)

Join me in addressing SOMEBODY at least, who isnít here

In another lifetime, Iíd be very angry with you

See-- I knew you were my friend after all

(Goes)

Since heís gone, maybe Iím alone with God

OK. All this material is pouring into my life and I am here as a kind of focus, trying to make sense of it or at least a certain way of organizing it. But before I was here-- this material was still pouring in only I wasnít here in any way to organize it, so what was it like-- here-- before I was here.

(Pause)

I have the feeling the world is aware of me-- so-- what was the world like-- how was it different-- before it was aware of me.

I have nothing to say about this subject.

Ah-- is that my answer?Please.

Please to the one hundred times repeated demand for happinessYou can-- be in a room, of course. And the energy circulating in that room can crest over you like a wave, and the other people in that room, interacting, create that wave, and you too do rise and fall to its rhythm.

But is there more to be said than this?

Is there some other adventure that rules, inside this wave of energy that so resembles such similar wAves echoed in other times and places?

The rain does fall, and things about the room do keep that rain from coloring the actual head, though the mind somehow scans it, and does give it that particular-- color of the mind

A man I had hoped to experience-- did and does move from position to position. His smile tracks objects, but not all objects are available. So he settles on objects that come to hand

(He has gone to drawer)

This knife. This envelope. This small tool whoís usefulness he has forgotten. All such objects. . .

)More taken)

The sun outside, brightens streets. But inside, a man speaks quietly to himself, and no one notices or hears anything.A man crosses a street and forgets to look in two directions, but this is safe, since the street is empty. Or not safe, but results in no accident on this occasion.

A store window, filled with torsos, exhibits menís shirts, ties, and jackets. And the plaster heads atop these torsos-- they do smile and their eyes do shine, but they are not of course-- alive.

They have prices beneath the neck, and the prices dream of fluxuating-- but the ink on paper is fixed--forever-- or until disintegration erases all but memory.

And that too, knows how to fade.

Light goes in and out of the window, but is confused about direction, translated by the human head on the man who crosses, without accident, the street edging closer to the store window which, from a certain perspective, has a life of its ownDrinks are awallowed, and new ideas circulate. The glasses from which beverages are consumed have no say in things-- they serve only.

This does not effect their transparency, and in fact, they are neither more nor less transparent than oter objects populating a worldShall we have drinks?

We need transparent glasses to drink from

Fortunately, the glasses I have collected are all transparent

Does this effect the quality of the beverage contained in this glass?

No, because we-- you and I-- are equally transparent

Yes-- but different

It does not matter-- as long as the same word-- transparency-- is usable

(Pours)

This is normal. The liquid stays inside the glass until we drink it, emptying the glass by so doing

After we have emptied each glass, will we refill these same glasses from that same bottle?

It will depend upon how we feel after we have drunk theses two separate glasses

Yes. They are separate glasses

Now-- we will drink-- except we will pospone the actual drinking just a moment longer

I could ask-- why pospone the drinking, but I let it pass.

(Pause)

Now perhaps, the actual drinking will take place

(Drink)

We have each emptied our glass. Outside-- the weather has probably altered slightly, but in here -- we realy do not know

But we could find out

Yes. That would be possible. Instruments are available to determine such things

I smile to imagine these instruments

Ah, I believe I have such a thermometer in this drawer

(Looks)

Here it is-- made of glass, with silver mercury trapped inside the hollow tube at the center

Yes-- do not neglect to notice, however, these written numerals on the surface of the glass

Yes. Those numerals help a great deal in accurately determining the temperature

But in fact--

Yes.

determination of the exact temperature does not seem to be something at this moment-- needed.

I agree

Lets have another drink

I agreeThe sky. The closer it comes, the less it exists. I a reverse sense, to distance yourself from your habitat, turns it into a thing of dreams.

Therefore, the evident relation between distance and dreams, distance and romance.

Yes

Whenever I touch the truth, itís because I am going in a circle.

And yet-- the image of a circle, suggesting as it does a head, is what impresses upon us the dangerous illusion of inside and outside.

But-- if one continues flrward until one circles back to the starting point-- that, as truth. But the moment one conceptualizes it as a circle-- that, as illusion

(what does this demonstrate?)

Hum. . . When it storms, I am some not-participating element. When it is mild, with a bright sun-- I feel whole.

(What does this demonstrate)

I see into the lamp. If the lamp is taken out of the room, there is no more light. But I remember seeing the lamp. I remember light.

While my open eyes-- see the darkness. But when I close them-- can I remember darkness? But I am ëseeingí it-- so how can I know if I am remembering it or seeing it.

This must be a very speacial state-- trying to rfemember darkness with oneís eyes closed.

Now suppose I try to ërememberí being alive at the same time that I am of course, alive, Or suppose I try to remember-- trying to remember. Hummm

The time table of the present-- always erased. Therefore-- no departiures or arrivals-- and yet one still is here where one was not, previously, and will not be next.

Doesnít this prove that erasing is more primary than registering.

So-- with each word, simply erase the otjers that surround it

What word can be used to erase others. ìLightí for instance. Anything you say to me-- try saying something

Iím thirsty

Light. Your thirst isnít erased, but I make you think-- what does the word ëlightí do to my words ëI am thirstyî

Light. I feel my thirst, And thinking ëlightí-- and my thirst. . .illuminates a quality of myself-- it makes me orbit myself and see the circle-like range of my sensations

Another word-- stability--

OK. I get the point

Do you?

Yes. I really get the pointA shoe. Does it fit? In that case-- my foot flies, which means I forget about it.

A shoe is therefore something to make a person forget his or her foot.

But.

Forgetting is like eliminating it-- except, if I cut off my foot my foot, that would be eliminating it-- but I would find that whenever I walked I would be thinking about the missing foot, and I could not walk good.

So-- find the mechanism of forgetting, in order to function best.

Forget everything

Float. Or FLY.

Hummm. Yes.Oh, these angels do cause pain. And the justification for that may be that angels hurt most when they are most invisible

Do you mean they are invisible, or they are disguised as something other than angels

It is the option of disguise that I favor

In certain lights-- yes. In certain atmospheric conditions, their angelic nature is more visible, slightly visible, hinted at in a way that is not, however, favorable to their certain discovery

Now, I am released to say to you-- I am such an angel. I am such a disguised being-- and I am able to say this because of the great love I feel

as a potential inside you

I have no such confidence

Donít you see a hint-- the faintest sweet smile, hovering someplace near the lips--

I choose not to look, because disappointment is always worse than the emptiness to which Iíve become accustomed.

Oh, I donít smile for you-- I smile for involentary internal reasons

I didnít know that there was an inside to angels

Each is unique, so any statement or anticipation is certainly erroronious

Perhaps the word angel itslf is a misnomeaner

Yes

But my vocabulary has its limits

Iíd think in terms other than a vocabulary

Such as?

Geture, possibly. Why not widen some potential of the body and translate that into a motion of the limbs--

My limbs donít move easily

Well, Imagine it

If you read my thoughts, you are somebody less beautiful in my eyes, because thenmy thoughts must be filling YOU, and my thoughts are not particularly beautiful in and of themselves--

But inside of myself, donít you believe that I automatically transform them?

(Pause)

I suppose you do

If I am an angel

But as we already know--

Yes, I am not an angel, bexause there is no such thing. But iof such a thing did exist, I would then be-- such a thing.Here. I brought you drugs

Iíd ratrher not see an angel when Iím taking drugs

Angels have taken drugs

What kind?

Oh, the kind that leaves things as they are

But more intense?

No. Leaving things as they are is the most intense choice possible

Iíd still rather not see an angel

Do you mean, youíd rather not have an angel see you when you were taking drugs?

Iím confused

Angels are always confused

That surprises me. I was under the impression that to be anything in the same catagory which could be an angelís catagory, was to bathe in a certain lucidity-- a cleansing that was like total transparency--

And isnít that confusion? Isnít that a definition of confusion?

I thought I was defining the opposite

You see how confused is the opposite of confusion?

(Pause)

Not really. But then, I have no special insight. I have only-- drugs; for my special insight

I donít disapprove of drugs, which may surprise you

It does

Thereís nothing special about this intensity. Itís like the others

For instance?

--Ah, here comes a magic animal. But like all animals-- a little confused

(Bear enters)The fatal word echoed my expectations, but I could not isolate the word, which means-- pull it forward into my consciousness.

But I knew the word was indeed being spoken, somewhere-- behind my head, in a region of blankness I could not experience as blankness because I could not experience it.

Instead, I reached forward with my hand, and made contact with an animal mask hanging on the wall opposite to where I was sitting.

But how was I able to cover that relatively major distance with a mere thrust forward of the hand?

No one knows, certainly not myself, even though I am indeed attached to that very hand.

I will try, therefore, a second time, but this time I will reach with a word rather than with my physical hand, and that word will be--

RESEMBLENCE--

and, ah indeed

the word that was attempting to speak itself, does.

This animal mask-- itís memory-- thatís what I conclude-- must have released the word in question, though in question no longer

You mean, sometimes questions exhaust themselves even without behing asked?

No. I think they are always answered, and thatís how they release their grip on us. Though sometimes, I admit, we donít realize that the answer takes a form which-- well, call it a disguise

Whatís your disguise

(Pause)

You see? The question answered itself.

HummmmAre we travelling the same route?

Yes

Are we travelling by airoplane?

No

Are we possessed of wings?

Certain parts of the body-- yes. Other parts-- no wings

Then as we travel, since certain parts have wings and certain parts donít, am I to conclude there is a separation of parts, as certain parts travel in space through the use of those wings while certain other parts with no wings suffer the limitaion of stasis

(Pause)

Perhaps the parts of the body are connected in such a way that when the parts that travel, travel, the other parts follow along because of that prior connection.

Thatís not the way Iíd like to think about it

Why

Iíd like to be able to think about a painless distribution of the body across a wide landscape

Why

For the ideas that might arise in the tension of that interveining space.

You sould be able to have those ideas right now

I just didI think this animal is sick

No-- sleep is not sickness

I suppose not

Plus, as long as itís asleep-- our situation is more secure

You mean it wonít go into the attack mode?

It IS very strong

It might be dreaming, right now, about doing us bodily harm

Ah, a realm in which we have no power

(Pause)

Well, in that case, Iíd prefer to think of it as a realm that doesnít exist

Iím sure the feeling is mutual

No. I don't think animals can conceptualize in that way

I was speaking about myself

Ok. Animal

Thank you

Iíll keep my eye on you

Do that. It will feed my lust for power

(Pause)

Thatís all right, Iím jut fooling. I have no lust for power

Youíve achieved the same thing

What

I canít stop thinking about everything you propose

Well-- those proposals arenít really connected to my physical body

Thank goodness

I too. Thank goodness

There is a difference between you and this beast

Yes.

(Pause)

Ah-- I wonder how that resolves itself

At the end of history-- that question will be answered

Now I understand what you said earlier

Yes

About all questions being answered

(Pause)

But whoís still around at the end of history?

Nobody

So, thatís the point

Yes. Thatís the pointItís your own destiny that-- Opps-- I shouldnít speak in your place

I wasnít aware of that.

(Pause)

What I mean is-- I had no urge to say something. So when you did the speaking, I was already into something else

See? I didnít respect that

No-- the other thing I was into was very happy to have your verbal embroidary

What did I almost say-- can you remember?

I never remember whatís left out--

It was very powerful--

Of course it was, but my orbit is different

(Pause)

OK. that confirms my suspicions

Just think how many layers of suspicion get plastered over me in the course of a lifetime

But you take no notice

Iím into something else

What

Ah, my destiny will reveal what even I donít know about myself

Not yet

Not yet-- right. I just sit here and smile about itIf I had a drug, Iíd be re-oriented

Oh, that worth more than a smile

Nobody said smile, when the first person said --drug

Nobody said-- have fun

I wasnít thinking fun, I was thinking about a way to turn an appropriate corner

Youíd rather be out on the streets?

I canít count my blessings when I have too may blessings

Ok-- hereís an appropriate corner

(Pause)

Where

What you mean is where, when and how often

If the subject changes that rapidly-- then Iíd better dress appropriately

(Starts undressing)

--Donít get undressed

Why not

Without protective covering, youíll be victemized-- I promise

Then I need a drug to protect myself

(offer apple)

Have this

(*Pause)

Didnít you say something about getting undressed?

What I said was-- donít

That apple confuses me

Make it vanish

Eating it does mAke it vanish, it just changes it into something else

Then Iíll put it back

(Pause)

I knew there was something Missing

What

I donít have the knowledge of whatís missing, but I know itís missing

Donít get undressed

No. Iíd never do anything like that

--You still think somethingís missing

(Pause)

No. Nothingís missing

Thank goodness

--I feel good about this

(Embrace, go, turn back, shake)In a distant city, a child packed himself-herself a lunch. But it was to be eaten only when mid-day arrived, and in the meantime, other ideas filled the brain both of that child and others like that child, even though much older

A door opened and shut many times, mostly when people entered or exited from the Hotel. But some few times, nobody,

In a nightclub where singing took place, sometimes there was silence. But this could be corralated to specific hours of the day, which recirred often enough to establish a pattern

Cars were wearing wheels. They rolled sometimes-- but more often, driven by gasoline exploding, they roared down a street and the wheel was in the unconscious only

A man entered a store to buy gloves. Fortunately, his hands were accompanying the man, because if-- for instance-- he was buying gloves for a friend, he would have had difficulty selecting the precise size-- since in his mind, the hands of friends existed as vague memory of gesture, and not as measurable physical object

Hands on the steering wheel of the automobile. Children eating apples after rolling them along the floor to watch aspects of a circle changing. None of this tracked by a clock, which also travelled around itself-- or was it something else that clock circled? Trying to separate things and ideas, the young man gave up. Until later, when he moved to a different city-- the atmosphere was somehow-- more congenial.I suddenly realized that life did not really NEED my efforts-- if I did nothing at all, life wouldnít really suffer.

Instead, I could devote myself to having a visionary experience

If one was allowed to have a visionary experience, would one have it?

Yes, I do suppose

Well-- one is allowed. Do you understand me? There are no prohibitions

This is not an amazing experience

Look deeperIn a far away city, a man destoryed all his reading material

In a far away city--

No no-- right here. In this roomThis doesnít seem to answer any of my questions

But all your questions have been answered

Youíre contradicting me

If I didnít, would you find anything satisfactory about the experience?

Iíd put everything on hold

How come

If you didnít contradict me, Iíd nevertheless know that life held such things in store for me in the near future-- so part of my mechanism that I hope could deal with that would be put on hold, and Iíd act friendly, but I doubt it would burn into my consciousness like other more problematic moments.

Terrible, terrible--

If thatís a prediction, I wonít contest it

Question me

About what

See? Iím trying to turn then tables on you

Can you guess my central question

Thatís a confusing definition

Of what

(Smiles)

Finding out where you direct your energy is a smoke screen that hides what you canít handle

I never claimed competence. As a matter of fact, I never claimed ANY desirable attributes. Thatís why Iím still here

Please. Something about you should get better

Iím perfect asd I am

Yes and no

Thatís no answer

Youíre repeating yourself

Maybe itís a way of trying to answer my own questions when nobody else seems to help

I canít help that

Why cxanít you help.

I forgot the question

(Pause)

Maybe I didnít have any questions because all I was looking for was a little attention

In that case, timeís up.

Well, it would be if we didnít have the vioable option of repeating ourselves ad infinitum

My lips are sealed

Look at these photographs of spirit beings that appeared on this role of film I accidentally exposed

It looks like trick photography

(Pause, tears up)

OK. That answers my question

Try photographing this animal

I donít have my camera

Hereís one

Wait a minute. Iíve heard that primative people think that to have oneís photo taken-- is to steal the soul. Iíd say this animal is a primative in spades-- so how does it relate intellectually and spiritually to being photographed

Kick it and find out

What

Youíll get a more interesting photo if you kick it before snapping the photo

I donít want to be eaten, thank you

Suppose that happens, weíll still have a photo to remember you by

--Yes. A photo of the eater, not the eaten

I can make the necessary connections

Thatís why I look to you for answers

See-- you get what you came for

Yes

Now take the photograph

(Done, of him)

Hey-- not me. IT!.

I can make the connection

Thereís your answer

Thank you

Youíre welcome

(Shakes)

Iíd like a hug

OK

(Hug)

Now. Give me the camera

(opens. takes out film)

I donít care, I donít care, I donít carePlease, take the cheeze sandwich and return to the source of your adventure

Itís not something I like to think about

Deny me and itís yourself thatís being denied

Must I eat this?

An adventure depends on it

(examines it)

Once, when I was a child, I was forced to join a group of young people who were taken on a hike into the mountains, and ˆ remember-- something like this was the lunch we were provided with. A slice of cheeze on a piece of bread, articulated by a think whipe of mustard on one side. But because I had never tasted mustard before, that was to me the greater adventure than the mountain.

(Pause)

Since then, Iíve eaten mustard, however

Then letís finish with the sandwich

No. I am hunger

(Pause)

But Iíll deny myself

(Put in drawer. Pause, peek in again)

Itís still there

Yes. It will stay there a very long time unless somebody eats it

It will have to be somebody other than myself

Guess what. The sandwich whether itís you or somebody else

Me neither. In that sense, Iím at one with the sandwich, without even eating it, which of course would be the more normal way of making it part of myself

Ah-- you are one with the sandwich

(Pause)

Yes

Funny, but I canít imagine you involved in the ordinary activities of an ordinary life.

(Pause)

Yes, but for some reason to me thatís terribly upsetting

Ah, that calls for self analysis

Whenevr I try self analysis, I can tell the wheels of my mechanism leave the tracks

Then perhaps itís yourself thatís incapable of the maneuvers of ordinary life

Oh no, self analysis is not part of my ordinary life

(Pause)

Things like going to the grocery store, washing my teeth, folding up oneís portable furniture-- am I geting off the track?

(Pause)

Re-seat yourself

As long as I can be confident the furniture wonít collapse under my weight, Iíll be happy to sit

(Pause)

You donít have such confidence?

No. I think thatís what I was trying to express

But you did, so why worry about it

Iíve probably revealed to you, too many of my mental patterns that should have remained private

The minute you step into my presence--

Suppose it were somebody else

Same thing: you go anti-private

Oh well, at least thatís taking a position on something

I thought it was involentary

It can be involentary, but itís still a position

Like standing

Like sitting--

(done)

See? It dodnít collapse after All

(Pause)

Youíre right, as usual. Thatís why I canít imagine you inside the field of normal everyday activity. Within that field, one is never right about things-- all of the time-- whereas you, somehow, are.

Yes, but I depend upon you to make it happen

Is that a plus

Oh no, it means I suffer from a certain dependency: so--go, or stay. Either way, Iíll be just who I am. The only difference will be--

If I go away--?

Yes, I wonít be able to remember my name, for instance

Which is?

(Other writes, then tears it up)

Itís OK. Iíve comitted it to memory

In that case, whether you leave or stay-- itís ok

Thank you

(Shake. exit)This could be an important drug

I see your obcession and I know how to manipulate you as a result

Ah, then I donít have to rely on any drug

Am I reliable? No

Thatís fasciating to me

Let me offer you a drug

How am I suppose to choose between those two drugs

Well, try to make an irrational choice

I donít know how

Nonsense, thatís your strength

What

ìI donít know how, I donít know howí-- I hear that pouring out of you and I think to myself-- thereís a man capable of moving mountains

(Pause)

How strange you should think that

Yes, because something irrational is surfacing inside me

What

It has no name

(Pause)

Maybe we both better take our respective drugs in order to calm down

(One does)

I swallowed mine but you hesitated at the last minute

Yes-- I wonder which of us is calm

Oh-- my drug takes twelve hours to have an effect

That must mean, the momory of having taken it is more powerful than having taken it

Now youíre connecting

See? And I didnít even take my drug

Surprise

What-- you mean I took it without knowing it?

Youíre still holding it?

I think so

See? A little bit of confusion

You confuse me a little bit-- yes.

Can I tell you a secret?

What

Iím glad Iím the only one who took his drug. That way-- if it starts effecting me in anundesirable way-- youíll be able to help

No. I wonít know how

(Pause)

Then Iíll have to depend on myself. As usual

Yes. I wonít even be here

(Goes. Pause. Peeks back in)

Donít worry. Iím doing OK.

(Pause. Goes)

Maybe if I disApear before he comes back--?

(Goes. Other returns)

This is good. In fact I wanted to be alone

(Takes drug_

Nothing yet

(Other peeks in, is seen, one sits, other goes)

Well, this is a disappointment in a senseForgive me, but do you consider yourself a prisoner of sorts?Ah, guesses are better tha--

--Than what

If you guessed me name, is that turning the lock of this particular prison? Yes. But does the lock thereby release, or is it the opposite. Thatís when it shuts tight

But I havenít guessed your name

Correct, so here I am as usual. In a state of limbo

Guesses are better than what

Well, knowledge for instance

Knowledge isnít desirable?

Youíll find out

When

Soon

I always thought knowledge was desirable

Noticed the flowers in the window box?

Ah. The lilies of the field do not ask-- etc-- or something like that

No. I was trying to change the subject

Oh no, you were reminding me of one of the more peculiar quotations from the New Testiment of Jesus Christ

I was doing no such thing

I was doing no such thing

(Pause)

You mean my mind flashed in that direction all by itself?

Hereís my message. Donít pick the flowers

That never would have occured to me

Liar

I never pick flowers

Liar

Itís not something I do.

(Pause)

How can I prove that. Well, if I approach those flowers right this minute, and picked one of them-- it would be a first for me. And you, because of your very intense powers of observation, would be able to tell, watching me carefully-- that it was a first time for me-- picking a flower

(Pause)

Watch

(Goes, picks one, looks at it, back and forth)

Well?

No comment

(other puts in button hole)

Well?

It suits you

I canít tell if youíre mocking me

See? Somebody should develop their powers of observation. Then theyíd have no need to provoke a reaction in others by damaging private property

Damaging? No-- flowers replace themselves, eventually

As opposed to?

Well-- donít know. Maybe everything replaces itself eventually

One idea always replaces another

The weather changes, under my very eyes

There something for you in that cabinet

A gift?

Ah no-- you have to earn it

What is it

Go look

No, Iíd rather earn it first

Why

Looking at it would make me nervous

Looking at it might energize you

No-- the unknown is what energizes me. Always

Then you donít feel trapped

No

Neither do I. So. Anything could happen

Right. Anything could happen.The burden of proof is always on the person whoís trying to prove something

What are you trying to prove

This is a question I find difficult to answer

Then perhaps you arenít

What

Trying to prove something

Oh no, I have the feeling that my whole life is just that

What

Well-- trying to prove the justification of my existence

(Pause)

Is this another one of those mornings when none of my questions gets an answer.

(Pause)

Do you believe I exist, even?

(Exit)

OK. When one has no enemies, is one dead or alive. There no choice, of course.

Here is a man who hopes to exist not. But, since he does exist, how will this transition be effected.

Death is not the definition he is looking for, but te state of not existing has a certain relationship to death, but it is not death, and this is a hard distinction to understand.

(other re-enter)

I understand nothing. For that reason I depend on you

You can depend on me and expect disaster

Then, I pivot

To avoid disaster or to get closerSatisfaction? There is none. There is a space, inside of which

no one lives except myself

Is there satisfaction inside that space?

No-- but yes. Yes-- but no

Obviously you understand me-- which I can tell immediately from the expression on your face which is, locked inside itself of course, a kind of satisfaction

(Smile)

No. Iíve never been satisfied with myself

Have you ever left yourself

Iíve been afraid

I donít think so. I think youíve always been satisfied with yourself

No

Then why are you smiling?

(Pause)

Iím sorry. I canít stop smiling

Is that unexpected?

Yes. Iím very surprised with myself

And that brings you great satisfaction, to be surprised with yourself

Does it

Yes, it does

Yes. It does. But I needed your help in being aware of that in myself. So I am no longer 100 per cent inside myself, am I

--and that gives you satisfaction

Yes. That also gives me satisfaytion

and now--

(Pause)

Go on

You stopped smiling

YesMaxwell is about to open a door to a second life. In other words; this life-- here-- exists and is important to him. This life of breakfast, tedium, exhileration upon occasion, traveling by foot and by automobile, moving pencil across paper an d having predictable and unpredictable effects on other people--

but a second life also-- this lurks in a certain next room, if you can call it a room.

And the content of this second life is unrecognizable as content, but can be scanned like a rhythm of syncopation as applied to life number one

In other words, the breakfast experience is not layered upon exactly as breakfast, but a geometric and visibule disintegration of sorts starts eating the supports of that recognizable asomething that is breakfast or other normal activities, and Maxwell feels himself hurled into another world or room that keeps sliding outside his field of vision, but is there-- precisely as something he canít grasp, and that becomes the important rhythm of his life-- that ìI canít grasp itî.

So, this being accomplised, this landing with both feet in the landscape of the ìI canít grasp itî-- when he reaches for the ripeand delicious fruit available in this locale, his taste readjusts, on and off, and he is a man who disappears in the sweetness of what can never surrender itself to his ability to taste, touch, or otherwise perceive what is burried at the center of his longing for it-- which of course does energize and is therefore, achieved without necessary profit.

(Pause)

How terrible. Iíve confused myself by talking

Theater of transparency

Theater of corrupt bodies, whirling in a space that solidifies each body into a dream bomb itself.

I went to the theater. Greeted by understudiess, I forget my lines, of which I had none.

How is it possible to forget non-existent lines of dialogue

Ask me

I just asked-- how is it possible to forget non-existent lines of dialogue

My answer is my dialogue

But you have no answer.

That ënothingí stands in for my emotional intensity and physical whirling and suddenly-- I am the one asking questions rather than answering questions

It begins a second time therefore

Yes. A curtain is nothing but a temporary surprise. The minute it rises-- all surprise burns back into itself and something vanished from my imagination and my voice alsoI went to the theater. A door opened and light struck me forcefully across the face, masquarading as a hand extended from something I called the sun because only by its brilliance did I become aware of myself. This was not, therefore, the sun, but my own necessary reflection. Hence no door was realy opened-- it was the gesture, merely, performed by my own hand, in a pretend world to which I most genuinly-- belonged.