I do not know what I have to say
Can we say you have not been talking?
But I have.
Already I’ve lured you, also, out of silence
I’m not sure. It seems to me that my response is 100% automatic
That may be the way it fulfills itself
By being automatic
You ask me to verify that which gives me the ILLUSION of having a future
Since you see it as an illusion, you have within that the freedom of vast activity
How do I perform that activity
Just try it. Lunge
I’m a hole in something
Depending on what constitutes the medium in which the hole occurs, the hole is either a void or a solid.
The void part is understandable. Here’s the explination for the solid part. If the medium in which I make a hole is in fact a medium that is constituted by nothing real-- in fact, a VOID-- then the hole in the void must be-- a solid something
Because a scooped out void inside a void-- well, the mind boggles, which is to say-- it’s rhythms, boggled-- coagulate.
For such ideas, one should be put in jail
I suddenly have the image of a mind so ravished, it careens back and forth like a tornado, and that is a thing that is beautiful in a sense but destructive, and hence-- jailable.
See? It would have been better for me to keep my mouth shut.
Is your no, in fact, really a yes¿
How difficult it is for me to answer
What you mean--
I son’t say what I mean, I show what I mean
I’m in jail, yes. But I’m still dangerous
That could be neutralized
(In straitjacket also)
Am I more powerful because I can’t reach anything. I do think I am
Get it--? If I could reach it, it would change, so I’d never get it
Reach for it
No-- Success-- there it is
Couldn’t you tell I was reaching for something
Ah, the orange
Yes. Notice how it put in its appearance only after I reached for it
Then I don’t think it’s a real orange
Under the present circumstances, that is impossible
I have no manuel dexterity
The mouth still works
To a degree, the mouth works. But by itself it produces nothing but additional disappearance
You mean it eats the orange
No, it produces words
If it tastes like an orange, it’s an orange
Ah. And it vanishes
Then out it back into the drawer
(Another does so)
Somehow, thedre’s always a way in which the circumstances alter
Under my very eyes. Yes
Do you remember what an orange tastes like
I’ll never know what’s accurate
Ah, accurate after all
Now, what happened to that orrange?
I think I’ll lunge for it
(Does, hits furniture. Off straight jacket)
Where was I?
(look around, nervous. Back on st.jackets)
I feel constricted
Take it off
Ah, do you suffer from invisibility?
Partial, of course
Give me your hand
It’s my partial invisibility
(Others take off st jackets)
Cypher, cypther, who has the cypher
What’s a cypher
Is it a key?
You use the word so confidently
I was trying to see if it would unlock something
Oh, you mean ‘cypher’. C-Y-P-H-E-R
I don’t know how to spell such things
I don’t know what to do with my hands
Try putting them in your pockets
(They both do)
I remember a time when, knowing what to do with one’s hands was in no sense a problem
There must have been many more available objects to hold onto
There are objects
Yes, but holding onto them doesn’t offer the promise it once did
(Each given sword. Tentative taken. Then put in separate drawers.
Am I comfortable and happy?
Are you comfortable now?
Ah, do I join the class of the comfortable
Are you comfortable in a particular way
I do not join the class of the comfortable, but yes-- I am comfortable
Then I won’t welcome you into the class of the comfortable
I don’t feel welcome
That must be an uncomfortable feeling
(refers to straight jacket)
Restricted as you are
I am no longer restricted, compared to the position I was in-- remember? A few minutes ago
Why should I remember for you?
Remember for yourself
Ah--applying restraints, I resist by turning myself into something even more slippery
This brings happiness?
What do you mean
Does this bring happiness?
For some reason, when that question is asked, my mind is blank
That’s my answer
You see how easy everything is if you let it become easy
Now I see
Ah, and which switch did you just throw on the inside of the brain
Thank you for throwing the switch
Thank you for giving me A hint
Yes. For example-- where have I hidden the orange. Hint-- its happiness is my private happiness
(Other goes, extracts from drawer)
How did you make sense of my hint
I simply remembered where the orange had been put away
Ah, but when I said ‘orange’ that hinted at happiness, assuming the orange could be enjoyed by you, or by me, equaly
I don’t know if this particular orange is sweet or sour, because it’s been in the drawer for a very long time
(Puts it away)
I don’t want to find out
That’s my dilema
Whether or not to traste it
In a sense, when I was restrained, and testing was made impossible becaesu I didn’t have the use of my hands or my arms-- this was happiness, in a sense
Here, on the brink of my own sterility, clutching for one last time at something-- something that flies by and creates an echo in the brain-- what is this thing I reach towards and of course, lose once again the precarious balance that keeps me, heretofore, alive-- but do I mean alive? I think not
What do you mean if you don’t mean alive?
This is risky business
Did you hear me say-- for one last time?
Yes, I heard you say for one last time you clutch at something
I realize, in retrospect, it my not be be indeed for one last time--
Clutching at the edge
Letting it slip from your grasp
Not true. I do not let it slip, it simply eludes me--
I think that’s built into your program
I don’t program myself
Ah-- I could almost answer
Did you notice how, in the immediate past, I changed the subject without even realizing what I was doing?
I don’t follow that
Because you became CONFUSED when I changed the subject
This must have been your idea all along
I deny that
Then you’re not lying after all
This is something neither you nor I can find out
Nothing to say but--look, already the word’s out
Take it back
Take back “nothing to say’ ?
Ah, it is so hard for me to write this. If I could spew forth only-- but I am not, I am writing
That’s not true. You’re talking.
Protected by this God, I dare to speak
Protected by this God, I dare to speak
My verbal ability will amaze
This God protects me
My ability to speak, and to speak well, is being taken away from me
No. It is not being taken away from me. I give it up voluntarily.
What speaks through me
What acts through me, which is more potent than speaking through me.. Find out
Make no Mistake. I am ready to explode with words.
When I left, you weren’t sitting there
Now I am
But when I left you weren’t there
Now I am
OK. How did you get here. Through the window?
Do you have a way of passing through walls as if walls were penetrable
No. I have never been able to experience walls as penetrable
How did you get here
Ah. If I guess right, that’s the explination
Yes. I’m really here.
Is a doctor the person who can help me with my tooth
I think it’s more that a tooth that has to be fixed
Yes. But when I bite into things--
See? It hurts
If you say so
(Pause. Other opens cabinet)
I thought I had something to show you, but I don’t
(takes out ball. Taken away and off by another)
Don’t you think the door to the cabinet should be closed?
You tell me
I don’t understand
What don’t you understand
I don’t see anything
There’s nothing inside
Well, I’d say that’s a beginning
Do you understand me?
You don’t understand
You don’t understand
I have better things to do with my life
(put table and chair and book in cabinet)
Go inside and read
If I do that, is your idea to shut the door after me?
Afraid of disappearing?
I don’t know if I could read in those circumstances
Don’t be afraid
(Pause) What’s the book
You tell me
You mean, tell you the title?
The title isn’t the book
I know that, but I might recognize it by the title
No-- you’d have to read it, or else you’d never be sure if it was only the title that was known to you, and the contents might be different
With the same title
So, you’re going to cure me?
Well, let’s put it this way. I’m either going to cure you or send you running from this room screaming and tearing your hair out. Which?
Maybe I’ll just turn on you and beat the shit out of you.
I actually see, at this very moment, how special life is. How wonderful and special it is
We can’t encompass it, can we. We can see it from the outside
But wait a miute. We’re inside it
Ah, but when we look at it, we’re lookingf at it from the outside
Yes. Yes. I get it
We’re looking at it from the outside
Even when we are looking at it being inside
Yes. This is true
It’s a wonderful, rich, dense spectacle
Yes, it is
Could I bring you a drink?
(Goes, returns, they down shots)
You know, I was judst talking off the toip of my head
I had the feeling, thought . . . .
I had the feeling it came from the heart
In a sense, yes
Didn’t you mean everything you said
Yes. I suppose I did
Please. Don’t disapoint me.
You think I’m here, but I’m not here
I can never count on you, or anybody else
You make a mistake, it profits no one
You know how I got here tonight?
Right. By car
I had to get here by car. When I leave, no doubt, it will have to be by car
What should happen-- or what should be able to happen, is I get here by mind power alone, but of course, that isn’t likely to happen
And you blame me?
In a sense-- yes
Well, I’ll have to try and figure that out, expending considerable effort, won’t I
Your fanatiocal committment to-- something or other-- should be just as intense as my own committment. But of course I can’t count on that
Grow up, Pal. And that’s directed at myself, please
Right. You don’t refer to me as a ‘pal’
The pressure is building.
If I change the subject--
Does that ease up the pressure?
Listen to this-- if I change the subject, does that start turning this into a ‘story’ of some kind? It’s like one thing, then another thing, then another thing. That counts as a story of sorts, I would think
Does that ease up on the pressure or build the pressure
Oh, a story eases up on the pressure
And that’s what you want?
Let’s say-- what I want is never what happens. And THAT is the story inside the story, which is inside another story, which is inside another story, another story, another story.
Who is real
Please be my friend
The real energy is elsewhere. I shall not be forgiving when it comes time to remember that
This is not what I believe, really. But then again, belief is so various and changeable, is there any reason to pinpoint something that better blow me down--
from which there is always a recovery,
even if it’s FAR AWAY!
I saw you drink something
That could explain why my head is spinning--
You mean invisibly
Ah, are we talking inside out again?
I can enter your world only so much, but of course I do recognize that half and half could be more of my own trouble
Most of it, I can identify with
Maybe that’s why your head is spinning.
Oh? I thought it was yours--
--Wait a minute. Maybe you’re right
This better help
Are you ready for this?
This bottle is empty
You can refill it using this bottle
I don’t understand
You can take the contents of this bottle and pour them into the empty bottle
A hundred per cent?
What do you mean a hundred per cent
Won’t the bottle be empty?
Well-- it isn’t
All right, I’ll do exactly what you say
Now this bottle is emppty
Is that a problem?
Let’s have a drink
Is something wrong?
Not at all
I want there to be meaning, everywhere, and there is, because when I come upon some portion of the environment that seems empty of meaning-- if I relax, totally, then meaning slowly pours into that emptiness-- with no effort at all on my part.
My rage is probably unhealthy for me
What is your rage
Against stupidity, which I sense all around me. In faces, movements of the body, in words that pour forth
Maybe I’m looking in a mirror
Oh well, that particular mirror engrages me.
I dare not
Why do you like this loud music
Because it makes the powerless feel powerful
But you are not powerless
Sometimes I feel powerless
It must be a chemical imbalance
(Drinks, as music rises)
What is this place
God, God, God, God--
What are you talking about?
God, God, God, God
This is not part of my reality
I know that very well and for that reason, try to fill in the blanks
There is a blank me someplace
Try what I try
God God God God
God God God God
See? I tried everything to no avail
Is it possible you overlooked a relatively important part of my personality?
Don’t forget me.
I don’t think either of us knows what to be interested in except something certainly fulfils that empty compartment
God God Goid God
This is a very embarassing subject to me
Why are you embarassed
I suppose what I mean is, I’m embarassed for you
Your obviously obcessinal involvement in something that should be private and unspokem
OK. I won’t speak of it any more
Too late, of course, because I’ll know what’s dominating your imagination
I don’t think that’s a problem. I mean, for me it remains a problem-- but you can’t penetrate my thoughts
I can use my imagination, or rather I can’t help using my imagination. It digs into my body without respite
Pray for me
To whom does one pray
I’m not ashamed to say
Don’t look at me
Vanishing hurts less
No. This isn’t real vanishing
Then it still hurts
Then already, you’re in prayer
I suppose I am
See how easy it was
Then it wuld be wrong to try and wish the pain would go away
Of course it would be wrong
That makes it go away
That’s all right, but of course it’s still there
Just look. Is it still there?
The pain, right?
I don’t have to say another word
God God God God
Funny, when you say it, it doesn’t sound believable
When I say it. . . .
I can’t accept any more gifts from you
This offends me
This please, this begging for consideration
Oh no, I think of it as a threat
Exactly. So do I
What additional gift did you have in mind
Please, don’t pull my thoughts in that direction
I can’t help myself-- we’re on the same rollercoster
Did I just hear a certain number or words getting away from you?
I’m sorry, they’re not under my control
I too am sorry
About your words or mine--?
In your case, yours
Ah. You’re taking words out of my mouth
I tried, but they changed
No, changing them was my girl
The original words were my gift
Yes, but I changed them
So maybe, they weren’t my words at all
A gesture answers better than words
What’s the gesture
I guess I have to make up my own answer
Do I know what world you in fact belong to?
What do you mean by this world
Let me show you
I feel a question has been definately answered, but I can’t remember the question
Your shoes need polishing
Is that a question?
In what kind of a world is this an issue of importance
Should I do it for you?
Aren’t you satisfied unless you can see your face reflected in my shoes?
I don’t get it
Why should I try to see my face reflected in your shoes
Here, I’ll take them off for you
Now-- I use this as a mirror?
Well, according to you, you can’t unless they get polished
(Pause, looks )
I can’t imagine myself in there, no matter how hard I work them over
I guess you’ll have to try
If I remember correctly, the polish is in the next room
(Exits as first re-enters)
Oh? Is this a nrew rule?
Aren’t you supposed to come in here unless you take off your shoes?
It’s not that kind of world
Then you tell me-- what kind of world is it?
It’s the kind of world where other people decide things for everybody else
That sounds right
The only problem is--
Well, what’s the only problem
(Pause. Other exit)
Look-- you don’t have to take off your shoes just because I have my shoes off
(Enter one with shoes)
Put these on
(enter other, with shoes)
Look what I have for you
(other puts them on)
Why did I both polishing these?
Isn’t it supposed to be for your benifit?
Look, these are your shoes, not mind
But you didn’t do a very good job. I can’t see my face reflected in those
I guess we won’t even talk about the ones you have on
Why not. They’re very comfortable
But they aren’t very well polished
Did it ever occur to you that maybe that’s why they’re so comfortable
OK. You made a choice
No. You made it for me
I don’t mind. That’s the kind of world in which I find myself
(Others exit. He does ‘steps’ in shoe, others peek in)
I thought you’d rather do that for an audience
No. This is the kind of thing I wopuld only do in private
(They go. He repeats ‘steps)
What no longer interests me. Nothing in these books interests me.
I fall down.
I try to have a voice like thunder
What I cab speak is thunder-- does this make what is spoken of interest to me
Making one word following another be interesting is not interesting to me.
Scientific truth, which is of course a circle, is of no interest to me
Nostalgia, by which I mean certain effects of light in certain cirities relatively old-- this is no longer of any interest to me.
Passion itself is no longer of any interest to me
Is there anything, therefore, that is of interest to me?
Yes indeed, only I don’t know what that is
Would it be interesting to me to have somebody else in the room who would sAy to me-- one can only conclude that there is nothing of interest to you-- and I could respond to this person saying-- No, I am still interested in something but I am not knowledgeable about what it is that I am interested in.
No. To have this conversation would not be interesting to me
Is it interesting to me that I would still like to hear my own voice continuing. Do I mean like an echo? No. I don’t think that is what I mean
When I walk, the world is circling me even if I go in a straight line
I can’t possibly number you among my friends
But there are hundreds of me.
Ah, it was the word ‘number’ that excited your imagination
(open to throne)
See? I told you it was here
What is it
Is there a place, here, from which I come
Kernals of truth contain, alas, no truth
(lifts a hand)
Everybody put a left hand onto the table
Do you mean the table nearest?
Ah, you have a particular perspective
I’ll go half way
(Lifts hand, pause)
Is that my particular perspective. Half way
Maybe a perspective is visible from the position at the far end of the perspective rather than the moment of ionitiation
(Hand on table, others follow)
I would say-- this implies a certain -- rootedness to the universe
I would say, as long as we keep one hand on the table, it’s impossible to approach-- anybody closer to anybody else than we are at this minute
Why would you want increased physical promixity
I don’t know
It floods me, as a unique human theme
Don’t you mean it’s an animal theme?
I think we’re trying to alter that frame of reference
Is a hand being sacrificed?
It’s something like cutting it off at the wrist, isn’t it
It depends how long the hand has to remain afixed to the table top
Well, let’s say-- if a moment arrives when concentration on this fact seems to flipflop into concentrating on everything conceivable all at once globally: then--
Then nobody will have to. or be able to, say anything at all about that or about anything at all
I think words will be able to flow non-stop
That’s what’s happening
Right or wrong
(Hand off, Then others hands off)
Now pay attention. Everybody lift a hand fro the table, I mean -- that happened, I’m getting past and future confused. So. Everybody life a hand-- then place it on the table top.
(Done) This happens.
This really happens
Everybody’s head is revolving but nobody perceives it as such
Is the whole body revolving
Hiow can the head revolve if the body to which it is attached does not also
This is the mystery
If nobody perceives it as such, there is no mystery-- which is something perceptable that nobody can explain
We’re talking about it as if we perceived it
But only as-if
Yes. Only as if
Include the head, which is perceived as if it were frozen in space and passing time
You triued, but even though you have me a little confused, my head is not spinning
Let’s just say-- as if
Well, under those circumstances, anything is possible
That’s all I propose
As if anything is possible
Everybody put their hand on the table top
Now-- put one’s head so it’s in contact with the hand, which doesn’t move from the table top.
All things I can think about God do not in fact enlighten me.
The opposite. All things I can think about God close down certain options-- or I should say-- All options.
All things I can think about God express themselves in a babble that is not translatable. I keep running up against a wall of language that smashes my mental mechanism to pieces, and a reorgqnization of my mental apparatuc which makes visible to me what has not heretofore been visible-- and I sigh, I roll on the floor
How ridiculous to think that you can understand me
Oh, I agree. You have nothing important to say
All the more reason why your failure to understand me is your own personal tragedy
I keep comming back to the unalterable truth, the only thing that fascinates me about you is my own weakness in allowing myself to be fascinated
May I introduce my alter ego?
You tell me
Nothig I ever imagined --lived up to this
Then you didn’t imagine it
If it’s as wonderful as you say it is--
You. I’m talking about you
You fascinate me, sir
Please. Get a life
Well, in a sense-- if I did, I wouldn’t have any basis from which to produce my fascination. If I had a different life, even
Your life is of no interest to me
Of course you know. That’s how you use me to provide yourself with the illusion of fascination
Did I say-- you fascinate me?
Yes. I think you did
Wrong. It was vice versa
Do you fascinate me?
Then we are interlocked in an inextricable web, are we not?
Again and again and again, I am re-born as it were
Trhanks to me
Well, you’re welcome
Look at this ring on my finger
Yes, I’ve noticed it
What does it mean to you?
It doesn’t mean something to me
--You called my attention to it
It caught my attention
(Hand held behind)
Why are ou hiding it
I don’t know. It was an impulse
Now-- I’m going to be very self conscious about what I do with this hand
Are we feeling each other out?
Let’s never get beyond that point
Let’s keep feeling each other out, in order to prove how inexhaustable the secrets of our personalities really are
I don’t think they’re inexhaustable
Make it a leap of faith
See? You’ forgot about the ring
Yes. It’s just a ring
A child walked to a window that was left open:
First, let me offer you some candy. Ah. Shallwe pospone that?
Something’s WRONG here
I have invisible friends I will introduce you to.
Mickey-- who has three fingers only. And Carmeletta, who is very passionate even though at this minute, she is cataonic
Something’s wrong here
May I offer you some candy?
in me, believe in the chaos at the source of things, equals believe in the flux
of the elements inside me and outside me
The multiple, the multiple that is what chews me up and spits me back out. This is the source of my various and singular choices and distinctions and gestures, the multiplicity that is not even imaginable by me, but is me, is me again to the degree that non counting amasses greater and greater numbers that issue as number but is no number.
Can you count me up? --Yes
Can you count my ways? --No
I have decided to be Mr Identity in your scene of multiple things
Did you say Mrs Identity
I thought you said MR. Identity
Well, you are Mr and Mrs Identity both
That’s speaking for yourself
I hear you
I shall make a hole in your understanding
(duck story (golf):(this may seem trivial, but it is everything. You see--
no, don’t exoplain. It is your explination which trivializes it
The truth of life is that there is none. There is nothing caled life-- nothing identifiable and definable as life. Life exceeds the identifiable and existance exceeds life. You have to get this into your head
Just saying over and over-- the impenetrable-- this is wonderful and gives energy. What is the relation between the energy and the impenetrable. Maybe there is no relationship, but-- no that is very incorrect
Life, the truth about life isn’t even demonstrable. What does this tell us about the word ‘truth’. It tells us that somewhere, on some level, there is a misuse of the word ‘truth’.
Or the word life
No-- that’s not a word
Of course it is
No. That isn’ta word
LIFE-- I just pronounced it
I think so
You’d have to go backinto the past to know for sure, and one thing I know for sure-- you can’t go back into the past
I have a memory
memory of the past?
Hum, I wonder if a memory about the past ios realy the past
Let’s let life give us the answer
Now you’re talking
Life always comes up with an answer
Idiot-- that’s just talk
That’s just “Life”!
This thing is called life
This thing is called nothing
Let’s decide if this thing is called life or this thing is called nothing
This is nothing called life
How are we realy going to decide
I should decide how we are going to decide or I should just decide between life and nothing
Take your pick
If you say so
Brief but to the point
That’s an anti definition
It’s the criteria of any definition
Life is not brief and to the point
Let’s argue that any description you give of life is incomplete
Then it’s brief and to the point
Life? No. Life is the opposite
If any definition you give of life is brief and to the point-- it’s not life. Then life is not describable
Well-- that description is brief and to the point, isn’t it
Yes-- but life isn’t
What could life possibly be unless there’s a way to describe it
More than a description
Don’t say more than a description-- say other than a description
That’s not right
Other than any possible description-- it’s nothing
It would take a superious imtelligence to figure this out
Oh great Duck, help us
It never says anything
Even in Duck language
There is none
That is not a language
You mean it’s just in my memory
Are you hesitating to be too close to me
Yes. Now we are close
You used one of my words