I do not know what I have to say

Can we say you have not been talking?

But I have.

Already I’ve lured you, also, out of silence

I’m not sure. It seems to me that my response is 100% automatic

That may be the way it fulfills itself

By being automatic

You ask me to verify that which gives me the ILLUSION of having a future

Since you see it as an illusion, you have within that the freedom of vast activity

How do I perform that activity

Just try it. Lunge

At what?



I’m a hole in something


Depending on what constitutes the medium in which the hole occurs, the hole is either a void or a solid.

The void part is understandable. Here’s the explination for the solid part. If the medium in which I make a hole is in fact a medium that is constituted by nothing real-- in fact, a VOID-- then the hole in the void must be-- a solid something

Because a scooped out void inside a void-- well, the mind boggles, which is to say-- it’s rhythms, boggled-- coagulate.

For such ideas, one should be put in jail


I suddenly have the image of a mind so ravished, it careens back and forth like a tornado, and that is a thing that is beautiful in a sense but destructive, and hence-- jailable.

See? It would have been better for me to keep my mouth shut.

Too late

(Straightjacket applied)



Is your no, in fact, really a yes¿

How difficult it is for me to answer

What you mean--

I son’t say what I mean, I show what I mean

(Travels, whirls)

I’m in jail, yes. But I’m still dangerous

That could be neutralized

(In straitjacket also)

Am I more powerful because I can’t reach anything. I do think I am


Get it--? If I could reach it, it would change, so I’d never get it

Reach for it

Of course



No-- Success-- there it is



Couldn’t you tell I was reaching for something

(Orange presented)

Ah, the orange

Yes. Notice how it put in its appearance only after I reached for it

Then I don’t think it’s a real orange

Taste it

Under the present circumstances, that is impossible


I have no manuel dexterity

The mouth still works

To a degree, the mouth works. But by itself it produces nothing but additional disappearance

You mean it eats the orange

No, it produces words

If it tastes like an orange, it’s an orange

Ah. And it vanishes


Then out it back into the drawer

I can’t

(Another does so)


Somehow, thedre’s always a way in which the circumstances alter

Under my very eyes. Yes

Do you remember what an orange tastes like

I’ll never know what’s accurate

Invent it

Ah, accurate after all

Now, what happened to that orrange?

I think I’ll lunge for it

(Does, hits furniture. Off straight jacket)

Where was I?

(look around, nervous. Back on st.jackets)

I feel constricted

Take it off


Ah, do you suffer from invisibility?

Partial, of course

Give me your hand

I can’t




It’s my partial invisibility

(Others take off st jackets)

Cypher, cypther, who has the cypher

What’s a cypher


Is it a key?

You use the word so confidently

I was trying to see if it would unlock something

Oh, you mean ‘cypher’. C-Y-P-H-E-R

I don’t know how to spell such things


I don’t know what to do with my hands

Try putting them in your pockets

(They both do)

I remember a time when, knowing what to do with one’s hands was in no sense a problem

There must have been many more available objects to hold onto

There are objects

Yes, but holding onto them doesn’t offer the promise it once did

(Each given sword. Tentative taken. Then put in separate drawers.

Sit. Pause)

Am I comfortable and happy?

Are you comfortable now?

Ah, do I join the class of the comfortable


Are you comfortable in a particular way

I do not join the class of the comfortable, but yes-- I am comfortable

Then I won’t welcome you into the class of the comfortable

I don’t feel welcome

That must be an uncomfortable feeling

Poor you


(refers to straight jacket)

Restricted as you are

I am no longer restricted, compared to the position I was in-- remember? A few minutes ago

Why should I remember for you?

Remember for yourself

Ah--applying restraints, I resist by turning myself into something even more slippery

This brings happiness?

What do you mean

Does this bring happiness?

For some reason, when that question is asked, my mind is blank


That’s my answer

You see how easy everything is if you let it become easy


Now I see

Ah, and which switch did you just throw on the inside of the brain

Thank you for throwing the switch

Thank you for giving me A hint

A hint

Yes. For example-- where have I hidden the orange. Hint-- its happiness is my private happiness

(Other goes, extracts from drawer)

How did you make sense of my hint

I simply remembered where the orange had been put away

Ah, but when I said ‘orange’ that hinted at happiness, assuming the orange could be enjoyed by you, or by me, equaly

I don’t know if this particular orange is sweet or sour, because it’s been in the drawer for a very long time

(Puts it away)

I don’t want to find out

That’s my dilema


Whether or not to traste it


In a sense, when I was restrained, and testing was made impossible becaesu I didn’t have the use of my hands or my arms-- this was happiness, in a sense

(Into straightjacket)

Here, on the brink of my own sterility, clutching for one last time at something-- something that flies by and creates an echo in the brain-- what is this thing I reach towards and of course, lose once again the precarious balance that keeps me, heretofore, alive-- but do I mean alive? I think not

What do you mean if you don’t mean alive?

This is risky business

What is

Did you hear me say-- for one last time?

Yes, I heard you say for one last time you clutch at something

I realize, in retrospect, it my not be be indeed for one last time--

Risky business

Committing onself.



Clutching at the edge

Letting it slip from your grasp

Not true. I do not let it slip, it simply eludes me--

I think that’s built into your program

I don’t program myself

Who does

Ah-- I could almost answer

Then what


Did you notice how, in the immediate past, I changed the subject without even realizing what I was doing?

I don’t follow that

Because you became CONFUSED when I changed the subject


This must have been your idea all along

I deny that

Then you’re not lying after all

This is something neither you nor I can find out

Nothing to say but--look, already the word’s out

Take it back

Take back “nothing to say’ ?


Ah, it is so hard for me to write this. If I could spew forth only-- but I am not, I am writing

That’s not true. You’re talking.

Protected by this God, I dare to speak

Protected by this God, I dare to speak

My verbal ability will amaze

This God protects me

My ability to speak, and to speak well, is being taken away from me

No. It is not being taken away from me. I give it up voluntarily.

What speaks through me

What acts through me, which is more potent than speaking through me.. Find out


Make no Mistake. I am ready to explode with words.

When I left, you weren’t sitting there

Now I am

But when I left you weren’t there

Now I am

OK. How did you get here. Through the window?


The door?


Do you have a way of passing through walls as if walls were penetrable

No. I have never been able to experience walls as penetrable

How did you get here


Ah. If I guess right, that’s the explination

Yes. I’m really here.

Is a doctor the person who can help me with my tooth

I think it’s more that a tooth that has to be fixed

Yes. But when I bite into things--

Let’s try


See? It hurts

If you say so

(Pause. Other opens cabinet)

I thought I had something to show you, but I don’t

(takes out ball. Taken away and off by another)

Don’t you think the door to the cabinet should be closed?


You tell me


I don’t understand

What don’t you understand

(Opens cabinet)

I don’t see anything

That’s true

There’s nothing inside

That’s true


Well, I’d say that’s a beginning

Do you understand me?


You don’t understand

You don’t understand

Read this

I have better things to do with my life

(put table and chair and book in cabinet)

Go inside and read

If I do that, is your idea to shut the door after me?

Afraid of disappearing?


I don’t know if I could read in those circumstances

Don’t be afraid

(Pause) What’s the book

Find out

You tell me

You mean, tell you the title?


The title isn’t the book

I know that, but I might recognize it by the title

No-- you’d have to read it, or else you’d never be sure if it was only the title that was known to you, and the contents might be different

With the same title


So, you’re going to cure me?

Well, let’s put it this way. I’m either going to cure you or send you running from this room screaming and tearing your hair out. Which?

Maybe I’ll just turn on you and beat the shit out of you.


I actually see, at this very moment, how special life is. How wonderful and special it is

Life. Yes

We can’t encompass it, can we. We can see it from the outside

But wait a miute. We’re inside it

Ah, but when we look at it, we’re lookingf at it from the outside

Yes. Yes. I get it

We’re looking at it from the outside


Even when we are looking at it being inside

Yes. This is true

It’s a wonderful, rich, dense spectacle

Yes, it is


Could I bring you a drink?


Why not.

(Goes, returns, they down shots)

You know, I was judst talking off the toip of my head

I had the feeling, thought . . . .


I had the feeling it came from the heart

In a sense, yes

Didn’t you mean everything you said

Yes. I suppose I did

Please. Don’t disapoint me.

You think I’m here, but I’m not here


I can never count on you, or anybody else

You make a mistake, it profits no one


You know how I got here tonight?

By car

Right. By car


I had to get here by car. When I leave, no doubt, it will have to be by car


What should happen-- or what should be able to happen, is I get here by mind power alone, but of course, that isn’t likely to happen

And you blame me?

In a sense-- yes


Well, I’ll have to try and figure that out, expending considerable effort, won’t I

Your fanatiocal committment to-- something or other-- should be just as intense as my own committment. But of course I can’t count on that


Grow up, Pal. And that’s directed at myself, please

Right. You don’t refer to me as a ‘pal’


The pressure is building.


If I change the subject--

Does that ease up the pressure?

Listen to this-- if I change the subject, does that start turning this into a ‘story’ of some kind? It’s like one thing, then another thing, then another thing. That counts as a story of sorts, I would think

Does that ease up on the pressure or build the pressure

Oh, a story eases up on the pressure

And that’s what you want?


Let’s say-- what I want is never what happens. And THAT is the story inside the story, which is inside another story, which is inside another story, another story, another story.

Who is real

Please be my friend

The real energy is elsewhere. I shall not be forgiving when it comes time to remember that

This is not what I believe, really. But then again, belief is so various and changeable, is there any reason to pinpoint something that better blow me down--

from which there is always a recovery,

even if it’s FAR AWAY!

I saw you drink something

That could explain why my head is spinning--

You mean invisibly

Ah, are we talking inside out again?

I can enter your world only so much, but of course I do recognize that half and half could be more of my own trouble

Most of it, I can identify with

Maybe that’s why your head is spinning.

Oh? I thought it was yours--

--Wait a minute. Maybe you’re right


This better help

Ah, trouble

Are you ready for this?

This bottle is empty

You can refill it using this bottle

I don’t understand

You can take the contents of this bottle and pour them into the empty bottle

A hundred per cent?

What do you mean a hundred per cent


Won’t the bottle be empty?

Well-- it isn’t

All right, I’ll do exactly what you say


Now this bottle is emppty

Is that a problem?


Let’s have a drink

(Pours two)

Is something wrong?

Not at all

(Both drink)


I want there to be meaning, everywhere, and there is, because when I come upon some portion of the environment that seems empty of meaning-- if I relax, totally, then meaning slowly pours into that emptiness-- with no effort at all on my part.

My rage is probably unhealthy for me

What is your rage

Against stupidity, which I sense all around me. In faces, movements of the body, in words that pour forth


Maybe I’m looking in a mirror


Oh well, that particular mirror engrages me.

Break it

I dare not

(Noise rises)

Why do you like this loud music

Because it makes the powerless feel powerful

But you are not powerless

Sometimes I feel powerless

It must be a chemical imbalance


Drink this

Dare I?

(Drinks, as music rises)

What is this place

God, God, God, God--

What are you talking about?


God, God, God, God

This is not part of my reality

I know that very well and for that reason, try to fill in the blanks


There is a blank me someplace

Try what I try


God God God God

God God God God


See? I tried everything to no avail

Is it possible you overlooked a relatively important part of my personality?

Don’t forget me.

I don’t think either of us knows what to be interested in except something certainly fulfils that empty compartment

God God Goid God

This is a very embarassing subject to me

Why are you embarassed


I suppose what I mean is, I’m embarassed for you


Your obviously obcessinal involvement in something that should be private and unspokem

OK. I won’t speak of it any more

Too late, of course, because I’ll know what’s dominating your imagination

I don’t think that’s a problem. I mean, for me it remains a problem-- but you can’t penetrate my thoughts

I can use my imagination, or rather I can’t help using my imagination. It digs into my body without respite

Pray for me


To whom does one pray

I’m not ashamed to say

Don’t look at me

(Covers eyes)

Vanishing hurts less

Real vanishing?


No. This isn’t real vanishing

Then it still hurts



Then already, you’re in prayer

I suppose I am

See how easy it was


Then it wuld be wrong to try and wish the pain would go away

Of course it would be wrong


That makes it go away

That’s all right, but of course it’s still there


Look, quick

Look what

Just look. Is it still there?


The pain, right?


Say it

I don’t have to say another word


God God God God

Funny, when you say it, it doesn’t sound believable

When I say it. . . .



I can’t accept any more gifts from you


This offends me


This please, this begging for consideration

Oh no, I think of it as a threat

Exactly. So do I


What additional gift did you have in mind

Please, don’t pull my thoughts in that direction

I can’t help myself-- we’re on the same rollercoster

Did I just hear a certain number or words getting away from you?

I’m sorry, they’re not under my control

I too am sorry

About your words or mine--?

In your case, yours

Ah. You’re taking words out of my mouth

I tried, but they changed

my gift

No, changing them was my girl

The original words were my gift

Yes, but I changed them


So maybe, they weren’t my words at all

A gesture answers better than words

What’s the gesture



I guess I have to make up my own answer

Do I know what world you in fact belong to?

This world

What do you mean by this world


Let me show you


I feel a question has been definately answered, but I can’t remember the question

Your shoes need polishing

Is that a question?

Goodness no

In what kind of a world is this an issue of importance

Should I do it for you?

Aren’t you satisfied unless you can see your face reflected in my shoes?

I don’t get it


Why should I try to see my face reflected in your shoes

Here, I’ll take them off for you


Now-- I use this as a mirror?

Well, according to you, you can’t unless they get polished

(Pause, looks )

I can’t imagine myself in there, no matter how hard I work them over

I guess you’ll have to try

If I remember correctly, the polish is in the next room

(Exits as first re-enters)

Oh? Is this a nrew rule?


Aren’t you supposed to come in here unless you take off your shoes?

It’s not that kind of world

Then you tell me-- what kind of world is it?


It’s the kind of world where other people decide things for everybody else

That sounds right

Does it?

The only problem is--

Well, what’s the only problem

(Pause. Other exit)

Look-- you don’t have to take off your shoes just because I have my shoes off

(Enter one with shoes)

Put these on

(enter other, with shoes)

Look what I have for you

(other puts them on)

Why did I both polishing these?

Isn’t it supposed to be for your benifit?

Look, these are your shoes, not mind

But you didn’t do a very good job. I can’t see my face reflected in those

I guess we won’t even talk about the ones you have on

Why not. They’re very comfortable

But they aren’t very well polished

Did it ever occur to you that maybe that’s why they’re so comfortable

OK. You made a choice

No. You made it for me


I don’t mind. That’s the kind of world in which I find myself

(Others exit. He does ‘steps’ in shoe, others peek in)

Don’t peek

I thought you’d rather do that for an audience

No. This is the kind of thing I wopuld only do in private

(They go. He repeats ‘steps)

What no longer interests me. Nothing in these books interests me.

I fall down.

I rise

I try to have a voice like thunder

What I cab speak is thunder-- does this make what is spoken of interest to me

Making one word following another be interesting is not interesting to me.

Scientific truth, which is of course a circle, is of no interest to me

Nostalgia, by which I mean certain effects of light in certain cirities relatively old-- this is no longer of any interest to me.

Passion itself is no longer of any interest to me

Is there anything, therefore, that is of interest to me?

Yes indeed, only I don’t know what that is


Would it be interesting to me to have somebody else in the room who would sAy to me-- one can only conclude that there is nothing of interest to you-- and I could respond to this person saying-- No, I am still interested in something but I am not knowledgeable about what it is that I am interested in.

No. To have this conversation would not be interesting to me


Is it interesting to me that I would still like to hear my own voice continuing. Do I mean like an echo? No. I don’t think that is what I mean

When I walk, the world is circling me even if I go in a straight line

I can’t possibly number you among my friends

But there are hundreds of me.

Ah, it was the word ‘number’ that excited your imagination

(open to throne)

See? I told you it was here

What is it

Is there a place, here, from which I come

Kernals of truth contain, alas, no truth

(lifts a hand)

Everybody put a left hand onto the table

Do you mean the table nearest?

Ah, you have a particular perspective

I’ll go half way

(Lifts hand, pause)

Is that my particular perspective. Half way

Maybe a perspective is visible from the position at the far end of the perspective rather than the moment of ionitiation

(Hand on table, others follow)

I would say-- this implies a certain -- rootedness to the universe

I would say, as long as we keep one hand on the table, it’s impossible to approach-- anybody closer to anybody else than we are at this minute


Why would you want increased physical promixity

I don’t know


It floods me, as a unique human theme

Physical proximity


Don’t you mean it’s an animal theme?


I think we’re trying to alter that frame of reference

Is a hand being sacrificed?

It’s something like cutting it off at the wrist, isn’t it


It depends how long the hand has to remain afixed to the table top

Well, let’s say-- if a moment arrives when concentration on this fact seems to flipflop into concentrating on everything conceivable all at once globally: then--

Then nobody will have to. or be able to, say anything at all about that or about anything at all

Oh no


I think words will be able to flow non-stop

That’s what’s happening



Right or wrong


(Hand off, Then others hands off)


Now pay attention. Everybody lift a hand fro the table, I mean -- that happened, I’m getting past and future confused. So. Everybody life a hand-- then place it on the table top.

(Done) This happens.

This really happens

Everybody’s head is revolving but nobody perceives it as such

Is the whole body revolving


Hiow can the head revolve if the body to which it is attached does not also

This is the mystery

If nobody perceives it as such, there is no mystery-- which is something perceptable that nobody can explain


We’re talking about it as if we perceived it

But only as-if

Yes. Only as if


Include the head, which is perceived as if it were frozen in space and passing time

You triued, but even though you have me a little confused, my head is not spinning

Let’s just say-- as if

Well, under those circumstances, anything is possible

That’s all I propose

As if

As if anything is possible


Everybody put their hand on the table top


Now-- put one’s head so it’s in contact with the hand, which doesn’t move from the table top.

All things I can think about God do not in fact enlighten me.


The opposite. All things I can think about God close down certain options-- or I should say-- All options.


All things I can think about God express themselves in a babble that is not translatable. I keep running up against a wall of language that smashes my mental mechanism to pieces, and a reorgqnization of my mental apparatuc which makes visible to me what has not heretofore been visible-- and I sigh, I roll on the floor


Duck in cart. Other cart to wall

How ridiculous to think that you can understand me

Oh, I agree. You have nothing important to say

All the more reason why your failure to understand me is your own personal tragedy

I keep comming back to the unalterable truth, the only thing that fascinates me about you is my own weakness in allowing myself to be fascinated

May I introduce my alter ego?

Equally fascinating?

You tell me

Nothig I ever imagined --lived up to this

Then you didn’t imagine it


If it’s as wonderful as you say it is--

You. I’m talking about you

You fascinate me, sir

Please. Get a life

Well, in a sense-- if I did, I wouldn’t have any basis from which to produce my fascination. If I had a different life, even

Your life is of no interest to me

I know

Of course you know. That’s how you use me to provide yourself with the illusion of fascination

Did I say-- you fascinate me?

Yes. I think you did

Wrong. It was vice versa

Do you fascinate me?


Then we are interlocked in an inextricable web, are we not?

Again and again and again, I am re-born as it were

Trhanks to me

Well, you’re welcome

Look at this ring on my finger

Yes, I’ve noticed it


What does it mean to you?

It doesn’t mean something to me

--You called my attention to it

It caught my attention

(Hand held behind)

Why are ou hiding it

I don’t know. It was an impulse


Now-- I’m going to be very self conscious about what I do with this hand

Are we feeling each other out?

Let’s never get beyond that point

What point


Let’s keep feeling each other out, in order to prove how inexhaustable the secrets of our personalities really are

I don’t think they’re inexhaustable

Make it a leap of faith

See? You’ forgot about the ring


Yes. It’s just a ring

A child walked to a window that was left open:

First, let me offer you some candy. Ah. Shallwe pospone that?

Something’s WRONG here

I have invisible friends I will introduce you to.

Mickey-- who has three fingers only. And Carmeletta, who is very passionate even though at this minute, she is cataonic

Something’s wrong here

May I offer you some candy?

Believe in me, believe in the chaos at the source of things, equals believe in the flux of the elements inside me and outside me

The multiple, the multiple that is what chews me up and spits me back out. This is the source of my various and singular choices and distinctions and gestures, the multiplicity that is not even imaginable by me, but is me, is me again to the degree that non counting amasses greater and greater numbers that issue as number but is no number.

Can you count me up? --Yes

Can you count my ways? --No

I have decided to be Mr Identity in your scene of multiple things

Did you say Mrs Identity

I did

I thought you said MR. Identity

I did

Well, you are Mr and Mrs Identity both

That’s speaking for yourself

I hear you

I shall make a hole in your understanding

(duck story (golf):(this may seem trivial, but it is everything. You see--

no, don’t exoplain. It is your explination which trivializes it

The truth of life is that there is none. There is nothing caled life-- nothing identifiable and definable as life. Life exceeds the identifiable and existance exceeds life. You have to get this into your head

Just saying over and over-- the impenetrable-- this is wonderful and gives energy. What is the relation between the energy and the impenetrable. Maybe there is no relationship, but-- no that is very incorrect

Life, the truth about life isn’t even demonstrable. What does this tell us about the word ‘truth’. It tells us that somewhere, on some level, there is a misuse of the word ‘truth’.

Or the word life

No-- that’s not a word

Of course it is

No. That isn’ta word

LIFE-- I just pronounced it

Did You?

I think so

You’d have to go backinto the past to know for sure, and one thing I know for sure-- you can’t go back into the past

I have a memory

memory of the past?



Hum, I wonder if a memory about the past ios realy the past

Let’s let life give us the answer

Now you’re talking

Life always comes up with an answer

Idiot-- that’s just talk

That’s just “Life”!

This thing is called life

This thing is called nothing

Let’s decide if this thing is called life or this thing is called nothing

This is nothing called life

How are we realy going to decide

You decide

I should decide how we are going to decide or I should just decide between life and nothing

Take your pick



Ah-- life

If you say so

Brief but to the point

That’s an anti definition

It’s the criteria of any definition

Life is not brief and to the point

What is


Let’s argue that any description you give of life is incomplete


Then it’s brief and to the point

Life? No. Life is the opposite

If any definition you give of life is brief and to the point-- it’s not life. Then life is not describable


Well-- that description is brief and to the point, isn’t it

Yes-- but life isn’t

What could life possibly be unless there’s a way to describe it

More than a description

Don’t say more than a description-- say other than a description


That’s not right


Other than any possible description-- it’s nothing


It would take a superious imtelligence to figure this out

Not really

Oh great Duck, help us


It never says anything

Even in Duck language

There is none


That is not a language


You mean it’s just in my memory




Are you hesitating to be too close to me


Yes. Now we are close


You used one of my words



Plus: pg 63