IdiotSavantNothing

Eighteenth century, sort of.

(The Idiot Savant usually carries around a duck in a cage)

MARIE:

Oh Idiot Savant, why do you wear that sexually provocative dental instrument stuffed into your mouth which at the same time impedes speech

(He takes it off)

IDIOT SAVANT:

I do understand, that I will not otherwise be able to save us from certain magic words.

MARIE:

They occur very infrequently, don’t they?

IDIOT SAVANT:

Apparently not

MARIE:

Are you telling me they’ve already begun happening?

IDIOT SAVANT:

We are under attack

MARIE:

What makes certain words magic-- explain to me,

IDIOT SAVANT:

Me. Me. Me.

MARIE:

Me? You produce a new level of confusion

IDIOT SAVANT:

But I’m interested in confusion . because it lessens somebody else’s power over my person with magic words

MARIE:

One of those of those words-- is “me”

IDIOT SAVANT:

Yes, me exactly

MARIE:

That’s part of the confusion, --when you repeat ‘myself’.

IDIOT SAVANT:

The word ‘me’ is universally applicable

MARIE:

--If you perform the correct mental operation, I think

IDIOT SAVANT:

Doesn’t everybody? Me.

MARIE:

IDIOT SAVANT:

MARIE: --Don’t you sense the difference between us, even when we use the same magic word?

(Pause)

IDIOT SAVANT:

Now you make me think that perhaps I’m mistaken in my choice

MARIE:

I do know, that you are rarely mistaken, Idiot Savant

IDIOT SAVANT:

True-- in this brief period so many words pass by-- who remembers all of them

MARIE:

Do you have to remember them for the magic to function?

IDIOT SAVANT:

True, but I said ‘be on guard’-- by implication. And now-- I myself probably haven’t been on guard.

(Pause)

Choose a word

MARIE:

Any word?

IDIOT SAVANT:

Yes

MARIE:

Yes

IDIOT SAVANT:

Make that the magic word

MARIE:

Yes?

IDIOT SAVANT:

Be on guard

MARIE:

I don’t know how, of course, to be on guard against a word

IDIOT SAVANT:

Use it

MARIE: Yes

IDIOT SAVANT:

Now, be on guard

(Pause)

MARIE:

Yes

IDIOT SAVANT:

Now decide, of the two words you’ve been paying special attention to, which has the most power

MARIE:

Me?

IDIOT SAVANT:

Is it good for you

MARIE: (thinks)

IDIOT SAVANT:

Then try the other word

MARIE:

Yes, --but it’s not as powerful

(Pause)

IDIOT SAVANT:

Maybe that’s because it’s more powerful but you don’t know how to protect yourself against it

MARIE:

Right

IDIOT SAVANT:

Ah--

MARIE: (shocked)

Why did I say right instead of ‘yes’

IDIOT SAVANT:

I don’t know

MARIE:

I don’t know either

IDIOT SAVANT:

Evidently, neither of us is able to save ourselves from magic words

My turn now--

(Pause)

(Gesture and Hold)

Notice.

I don’t think I said anything by my avoidance of unnecessary words or gestures.

(Pause)

I’m talking, but your language and gestures are not talking to me now.

I’m gesticulating-- mildly-- but you are not

(Bell)

What was that?

Well, That delineates a special area within which the rest of us speak, but the speech is, as it were-- off the record.

But first, let’s effectively eliminate certain of my words. Here is a roll of tape

Which words will this tape eliminate

MARIE:

It depends how one uses the tape

(Pause)

If your mouth is taped, all possible words will be eliminated.

IDIOT SAVANT:

No. Just some will be eliminated

(Pause)

(Tape)

MARIE:

Now-- you can’t speak, but I can. So our conversation will be very one sided. But I understand that the solution is-- change one’s consciousness of time, so that in the past, and even in the future, your words are part of the conversation we’re having in the present.

I give thanks for making me understand that

(Gets small gift package)

This is my gift of thanks to you, wonderful Idiot Savant. But I wonder if you can open this even if your mouth is closed forcefully

By tape. Because I have seen you sometimes open packages using your teeth

(Removes tape)

IDIOT SAVANT:

You’re too far away from me with that gift. I can’t open it from a distance

MARIE:

I expected you to come and take it from me

IDIOT SAVANT:

Even with a taped mouth

MARIE:

Yes

IDIOT SAVANT:

Then re-tape it

MARIE:

First, I’ll have to put the gift back inside the cabinet

IDIOT SAVANT:

No, Just put it on the table

MARIE:

No, then it’s vulnerable to attack

IDIOT SAVANT:

Nobody’s going to attack it

MARIE:

Well, let’s say I just imagined a premature opening of the my gift

IDIOT SAVANT:

Risk it

(package on table)

Now I’ll take it myself

(Other re-seizes package)

(Other comes and opens-- it’s a watch, straps it on as Idiot Savant puts back mouth piece)

(stop and look at clock, at watch)

MARIE:

I know. The gift watch, and the clock on the shelf-- They don’t agree. But here’s the problem. We should make them coherent. But it isn’t in my category to adjust a clock that doesn’t belong to me, and it isn’t in your category to adjust a wrist watch somebody else is wearing

(Pause)

So-- we’ll just have to go on, being out of synch, won’t we--

(exit. Idiot Savant sits, faces clock and blindfolds self)

OLGA:

Clearly, the Idiot Savant cannot see, the Idiot Savant cannot talk, but he can still hear things ticking away

(Strap pillows on ears. Music rises. Free one then dances, other goes to door)

MARIE:

Don’t stop on my account

OLGA:

No. As long as you’re watching me, I’m stopping

(Music rises-- Idiot Savant rises and dances)

MARIE:

You should be ashamed of yourself.

OLGA:

Why pray tell?

MARIE:

The Idiot Savant can’t hear the music, can’t see the furniture with which he might collide, and can’t cry out in pain should there be such a collision, but that doesn’t stop him from dancing.

OLGA:

Look! I know that inside the mind there is a second mind!

MARIE:

Oh, you know that?

Do you also know that this jeweled container is the second mind

or at least a representation of the second mind--

or a substitute--

Look, look--

how it trembles from the silence of invisible thunder inside the Idiot Savant

But This container never opens.

This container never opens

OLGA:

I know that of course, and I also know that here is the a second container which is the representation of the original container

(Undo Idiot Savant)

IDIOT SAVANT:

Here is a question for both of you, which perhaps neither of you will be able to answer, and that will certainly please me.

Why is a table a symbol of stability since a table can be easily destroyed by an ax or a second table

MARIE:

An ax I understand. But another table--?

OLGA:

Well, it can always be superseded, in the sense that a table can be used for something, but then that same activity could be moved to another table

MARIE:

But that doesn’t destroy table number one

OLGA:

Yes it does. To supersede something is to effectively destroy that something

(Pause)

MARIE:

Oh yes, I see--

IDIOT SAVANT:

You do not see. Let me rephrase my question.

A table versus a tripod. One rests firm, but ends in a point. The other is always open to the wobble of an uneven surface beneath, but ends above in a surface upon which thoughts, written, can be elaborated. Do we conclude that the possibility of that wobble is the possibility of a world that elaborates itself fully, while the absolute stability of the tripod, it’s rival, , leads to the perfectly still point that ends in zero, the disappearance act of everything that is.

So, why is a table, rather than a tripod, symbol of stability

MARIE:

Probably this landmark decision, to replace the symbol of stability--

IDIOT SAVANT:

Please please please-- no need for confession

MARIE:

I have nothing to confess

IDIOT SAVANT:

Because--?

MARIE:

I suppose, because I have a relatively stable personality.

IDIOT SAVANT:

And my personality.

OLGA:

The is no reason to expect the Idiot Savant to have a stable personality.

IDIOT SAVANT:

Good. Because the numbers that hopscotch through my brain are very odd numbers indeed beginning with 1-2-3-4-5-

MARIE:

Are all of those numbers odd numbers?

IDIOT SAVANT:

Pay attention! Which should not be difficult, because they are all very loud noises. 1-2-3-4-5 and on and on and on. Do you understand my message even if it comes delivered in code?

Nobody can do without the worship of their own secret part of their own mind.

Here is a mind -- use it-- but

use most of all, it’s secret compartments.

Now-- because they are secret, the manner in which one is able to access these compartments, is also secret.

But there are ways to try, and some of the

ways seem to make use of the human body rather than the human mind--

but rest assure, it is always the secret mind at work-- the secret mind.

OLGA:

Experts are confused

IDIOT SAVANT:

Of course experts are confused. The Idiot Savant was being psychoanalyzed-- which enabled the Idiot Savant to have wonderful conversations.

And whenever he said something, his psychoanalyst would look to the far side of the room and see an amazing light.

He looked into that light.

Experts are confused

OLGA:

Experts are certainly confused. They ride the mental elevators of the Idiot Savant, and discover themselves moving sideways only.

IDIOT SAVANT:

Are they in search of more intensity?

OLGA:

Of course they are in search of more intensity.

They enter a late night barrooms -- but wait a minute-- here is a threat to life itself , a threat to bodily equilibrium.

Because if it could be in some mental elevator, then it could be here, also, lifting the glass of alcohol to dry lips-- and this could explode into something else at any moment. My God-- This is no trick. Experts are confused, and the perversity of their position turns clear as blinding light..

IDIOT SAVANT:
I pick up this fruit. I taste it.

How very wonderful that there is no way anybody else in the world who can experience exactly what I experience

MARIE: (In row boat)

Oh Please, please, please-- Idiot Savant-- may I have a taste of fruit?

IDIOT SAVANT:
I should be glad to offer you some fruit. But you must realize of course. that what you taste, won’t be what I taste in my own delicious mouth

MARIE:

Oh? -- not even a similar taste?

IDIOT SAVANT:
Similar--? I have no way of knowing. But it will never be my experience you’ll be sharing. You do realize you can’t share my experience

MARIE: (Pause)

Then maybe I’ll just row myself from the room

IDIOT SAVANT:

Can’t I offer you some delicious fruit?

MARIE:

My brain-- must be working against me today--

IDIOT SAVANT:

Experts are confused

(exit)

OLGA: (offers fruit)

He’s left us alone -- Is this working against you, my dear?

MARIE:

Hide that fruit

OLGA:

First-- take a bite

MARIE:

By no means, --I chose to protect myself

OLGA:

Experts are confused?

MARIE:

I mean --I chose to protect my brain, also

OLGA:

Let’s do research

MARIE:

Brain research?

OLGA:

Let’s do brain research.

(playing card packs, designs)

MARIE:

I don’t expert a reward

I don’t expect happiness

I don’t expect fame

I don’t expect intellectual stimulation

(enter Idiot Savant, in glass bubble)

My God-- Who was this ghost?

It was himself

rising from the oceans of my desire, wearing his glass bubble suit.

which caught everyone’s attention immediately

because he was probably protected from germs-- but was he protected from our own-- mutual desire?

IDIOT SAVANT:

Do you hate me in fact? Do you hate me for my desire?

OLGA:

I for one, could not answer. But I was not required to answer, because it was not to me that his heart breaking appeal was being addressed

IDIOT SAVANT:

Try on this yellow suit

MARIE:

Is that your proposal?

IDIOT SAVANT:

This yellow suit will protect you from our mutual desire

MARIE:

But I had no way of knowing whether or not this was the truth-- so I persuaded the Idiot Savant himself, to try on the yellow suit he had imagined covering my own body.

IDIOT SAVANT: (in suit, as J exit in boat))
Now I understand. This yellow suit is my buffer against reality. That means, my desire is magnetized. So that everything I desire,

rushes toward me at tremendous speed,

but that very speed,

in and of itself-- transforms my desire into something very different from my original desire

and so my is no longer attractive to me

even thought in a sense, it is still

the desire of the Idiot Savant.

OLGA:

You are condemned to be a prisoner of your desire, Idiot Savant, even when it is transformed into something you no longer desire

which is why we are able to adore you

as --

the Idiot Savant you indeed have become

IDIOT SAVANT:

But a man or woman knocks at my door while I was sleeping, and suddenly-- the knock, knock, knock-- puts me to sleep

OLGA:

What aspect of that amazing knock puts you to sleep?

IDIOT SAVANT:

The provocative fact that such a door was in fact, in some OTHER room, while my own physical ears were not delicate enough to hear what transpired inside that other room

OLGA:

But how did your oh so delicate desire manage to install itself in that terribly vulgar knock, knock, knock.

IDIOT SAVANT:

Say it , this time with the voice, rather than with knuckles banging against the door, and this time--I’ll be able to tell your future

OLGA:

Knock. Knock. Knock

IDIOT SAVANT:

What you’ve just done, is to have made the Idiot Savant terribly conscious of the empty space between his two legs

OLGA:

Empty?

IDIOT SAVANT:

Please, tell my future

OLGA:

But I couldn’t possibly, Idiot Savant-- because the ability to tell the future is your ability alone

MARIE: (returned)

Knock. Knock. Knock.

IDIOT SAVANT:

Experts are confused-- but this neither frightens nor disorients the Idiot Savant.

Arriving in the city of his dreams, a rather elderly gentleman reaches out to touch my shoulders where wings were trying to sprout.

“I wanted to persuade myself this was optical illusion only--” claimed the elderly gentleman. And the Idiot Savant smiled because he knew better. He smacked the elderly gentleman across the face with his blond, bland smile and the elderly gentleman, who’s hair was of a whiteness that intensified all blondness, as is shaking white now from his lion-like mane of pure white hair, rose to the height of his contempt and exclaimed-- “If wings are to be imagined, they had better not bust my balls in trying!”

(Reaching the end of his life-- this white haired gentleman realizes--

what I have done, has been good--

good enough to touch all four corners

of that part of the soul that was touchable,

and because he endured just long enough to do that touching--

and not a moment longer--

his life was, as one is wont to say, complete--

everything cut short, of course,

because different perspectives are available

and while none of them realy work,

these different perspectives, all of them are--

in and of themselves-- hahaha

Just what the doctor ordered,

except--

nobody knows that name of that doctor,

white haired, beautiful,

the one you look at whenever you look

into the real

mirror.

Here it is.

Except-- nothing is here.

Get it? Get it? Get it?

Get it?

Why did I have to wait until I was too old to get it-- to get it!)

In a flash, he was gone. The Idiot Savant was left-- writing his own obituary-- but of course-- several decades pre-mature..

OLGA:

Oh Idiot Savant, you know the names of streets. You too have dreams of changing your hair color. You too mingle addresses behind the forehead so the vista of your own personality, well-- contradictory in nature-- just a smile at an inappropriate moment.

MARIE:

Why are you called the Idiot Savant in fact. Is it because you fall over things you should never do more than anticipate?

IDIOT SAVANT:

The Idiot Savant changed his clothes. He was disguising himself for the fun fair.

MARIE:

“That’s not fair” cried Marie. “If you disguise yourself, I want to be able to pick you out of a crowd, and that won’t fair to me”

IDIOT SAVANT:
“Where we disappear, it’s never crowded” cries the Idiot Savant.

MARIE:

Does that mean far from here? Or less far than I imagine.

IDIOT SAVANT:
Marie liked crowds evidently, but the Idiot Savant certainly does not like crowds. He believes that if one was going to whirl on a carousel for instance, it had better be one’s private carousel. Where numerous wild horses, unoccupied, are much more, therefore, evident. Consider that-- a logical plus

(all are whirling)

VOICE:

And the Idiot Savant was now disguised-- it was a very high degree of disguise. Everybody recognized him because of the excellence of his disguise which was more excellent than the hundreds and hundreds of rivals in disguise who, briefly, thought or dreamed they could rival the Idiot Savant.

But his celebration (remember that private carousel?) was therefore a failure. And the brilliantly colored horses, revolve as they might, did not move from the spot.

MARIE:

Oh Idiot Savant, in the darkness of your eyes, knowledge like a drum whipped by the events that succeeded each other one by one in your radiant atmosphere. The girl in the rowboat who tipped over, --that was me, remember.

OLGA:

The airplane fromage, the sugar doll of the accident at the drawbridge-- do you remember these different events only to erase them with the power of your re-interpretation?

IDIOT SAVANT:

I have no secret self, Ladies. The Idiot Savant whispers to himself and directs his telephone towards the moon exclusively, where. he sees, reflected, his own face smiling with the power of smiles that re-invent all communications possible. Promising him the rewards of what-was-to-be-the-same always,

--his own pre-eminence,

--his own name on the moon written in white moon boulders arranged like the extended rays of some large star,

Idiot Savant himself

in the center, face, name, hint, --what dose it matter so long as all sympathetic telescopes are oriented in the same general direction?

(boulders set-- he offered one, drops)

Wait a minute-- Something’s wrong. My hand isn’t obeying my orders. It’s acting on it’s own

OLGA:

I can’t believe that

IDIOT SAVANT:

Maybe that’s not wrong after all. I tell my hand to move to my face

(Done)

OLGA:

You see? It did just that

IDIOT SAVANT:
Now-- I tell my hand to move to my face.

(Nothing happens)

See? It’s my hand that decides whether or not to obey my orders

OLGA:

Nonsense I hope

(another boulder, dropped)

IDIOT SAVANT:
Yes, a kind of nonsense

(Pause)

But you fail to make sense of my demonstration

MARIE:

Oh Idiot Savant-- Just because you say something in words doesn’t mean you MEAN something in your heart. You can say ‘hand--move’, but you may not mean it in your heart

IDIOT SAVANT:
What proves that I mean it in my heart, assuming I have a heart

MARIE:

If your hand actually moves, you mean it. If it doesn’t move, you didn’t mean it

IDIOT SAVANT:
Hummm-- I myself don’t know how I decide to mean something. This is amazing-- but I really don’t know what’s inside of me when I say “hand move-- I swear I feel the same degree of sincerity during the saying of it-- whether or not the hand does or does not move

MARIE:

Try this-- try moving it without saying ‘hand move.’

(it moves to face. Then -- moves differently)

IDIOT SAVANT:
Well, as far as I’m concerned, there’s a great mystery here

MARIE:

Are you trying to solve it?

IDIOT SAVANT:

I don’t think that’s possible

OLGA:

Experts are confused?

MARIE:

No. If it’s not possible to solve it-- Then it’s no longer a mystery

IDIOT SAVANT:

True-- it’s not a mystery because most of the time I, Idiot Savant, forget the true mystery involved

And a second mystery is-- why do I forget this, most of the time, this totally perplexing mystery that in fact, informs every moment of my waking life.

MARIE:

No answer

IDIOT SAVANT:

Me neither. No answer

(goes)

MARIE:

What made him chose to disappear. Mystery number three

OLGA:

I’m afraid you’re at fault, my dear.

MARIE:

He has the right to disappear when he wants to disappear

OLGA:

He has no right to leave us alone together

MARIE:

He has the right

OLGA:

It’s highly unpleasant to be alone together

MARIE:

Yes, it’s highly unpleasant, but he has the right, because he is the Idiot Savant, and inside this theatrical presentation, which is titled “The Idiot Savant” -- unpleasantness is as justifiable as pleasantness.

So do allow this unpleasantness to exist, please.

OLGA:

Ah, the Idiot Savant--

MARIE:

Theatrical character or entire play--?

OLGA:

“Idiot Savant”-- could this unpleasantness be one of his fondest memories fact?

MARIE:

Now that I understand how much discomfort you cause me, I’m moved to say ‘thank you’ in advance

OLGA:

I’ll never be able to answer you properly, little snot, because I , unfortunately, am not the Idiot Savant.

MARIE:

The question is-- how can either of us free ourselves from this well disciplined behavior.

OLGA:

Look, little snotty face -- this thing doesn’t exist

MARIE:

What thing

OLGA:

You don’t know what I’m talking about?

MARIE:

How can I know about it if it doesn’t exist?

Surprise-- the Idiot Savant in this play “THE IDIOT SAVANT does not exist

OLGA:

The Idiot Savant does not exist in this play THE IDIOT SAVANT?

MARIE:

It does not exist

OLGA:

Insolent, insolent fool

MARIE:
Do not think of me as an insolent fool. Perhaps I am an insolent fool, but I do not wish to be spoken of as an insolent fool

OLGA:

This is my right, to speak of you as an insolent fool

MARIE: (revealing self?)

My table is well spread-- is it correct to speak of one as an insolent fool if one’s table is well spread

OLGA: (revealing self?)

Your table is well spread, but you are an insolent fool

VOICE:

The play THE IDIOT SAVANT now finds it’s voice, and speaks directly to the characters who exist inside the play THE IDIOT SAVANT, including the character The Idiot Savant who is not on stage at the moment

OLGA:
Are we going nuts?

MARIE:

Yes! We are probably going nuts because of the influence the Idiot Savant is having upon us, because he is the main part so if he goes nuts, there is no objective criteria against which to measure his going nuts, but while he is the main part, we are just cast off parts, and there are many criteria outside of us -- in terms of which we could both be determined nuts.

VOICE:

But the play THE IDIOT SAVANT says, do not be unhappy-- because cast off parts of me, are often my very best parts. Normally, when one looks through one’s private baggage for instance-- one casts off these parts of the contents of one’s baggage until one finds the item one is looking for-- and the discarded or cast off items are not the ones one is looking for but they are the best ones because one can use them and find them wonderfully becoming in the future perhaps. But the item found which you have been looking for, that item is always a disappointment.

OLGA:

It sounds like the play The IDIOT SAVANT is wiser than any individual character in the play, including the Idiot Savant

VOICE:

No. We are exactly the same in the department of wisdom

OLGA:

What did you find then--

In your speaking out directly-- did you find what you were looking for, oh play itself?

VOICE:

No-- casting out ideas only-- but none of them were the ideas the play THE IDIOT SAVANT was truly looking for

MARIE:

I’m sorry that has been your experience, wonderful IDIOT SAVANT

IDIOT SAVANT: (enters)

Don’t be sorry for me, please, because before I was a character in the play THE IDIOT SAVANT, I was a character in the even more exciting play THE ARROGANT FOOL--

OLGA:

I remember that play--

MARIE:

I remember that play also

IDIOT SAVANT:

--and before that, I was a character in the play THE MAGIC WORDS.

(Pause)

MARIE: (exchanging glances with O)

Neither of us remember that play

IDIOT SAVANT:

No matter. Because now, I am not simply a character in the play THE IDIOT SAVANT, I am the play itself.

MARIE:

No-- I think you are the play that is sometimes --a character in the play THE IDIOT SAVANT

IDIOT SAVANT:
I am nothing of the kind. Why do you make the stupid mistake of thinking I am the character the IDIOT SAVANT-- I am no such character. The character that I am, is simply the play THE IDIOT SAVANT

MARIE:

I can only conclude that the grid on which my experience may be charted is not my experience

IDIOT SAVANT:

Know this please, if you would learn from me. My play-- I mean myself, this is impenetrable because CONTRADICTORY at every moment.

And the impenetrable object that I am which loves itself, this is to teach everything that arises, including you two less than lovable ladies, to love yourself to the fullest, just as I-- impenetrable-- do love myself

MARIE:

Then you mean-- it is perfectly OK to be an aberrant human being. Because it is fact that every aberrant human being is in fact inside another human being who is not aberrant but is the same human being

IDIOT SAVANT:

Once you have realized this, dear lovable one, I do believe this promises the end of my reign here on earth

MARIE:

Oh? I didn’t know about that

IDIOT SAVANT:
You didn’t know about that?

MARIE:

Your reign here on earth. I didn’t understand you held that kind of power over anybody else except myself

IDIOT SAVANT:

Fool!

MARIE:

Don’t say that about me

IDIOT SAVANT: (laughs merrily)

Complete Fool!

OLGA:

I have the impression --your reign is not over Idiot Savant

IDIOT SAVANT:
I’m sorry I said ‘fool!”

MARIE:

Being sorry you said fool is OK, but it doesn’t make me feel better

IDIOT SAVANT:

I was wrong

MARIE:

About what

IDIOT SAVANT:
My reign on earth is not finished, and perhaps can never be finished

OLGA:

Now that you recognize that-- here is your reward

(Kiss on cheek)

IDIOT SAVANT:
How foolish, since I don‘t need rewards in order to experience happiness

(exit)

MARIE:
How foolish-- trying to reward the Idiot Savant for studying a person, for trying to get inside a person even where there is no inside a person

(He re-appears, different)

My goodness!

How many versions of you exist, Idiot Savant?

IDIOT SAVANT:
Hundreds of versions of me exist

MARIE:

Knowing that, I feel that I’m getting inside YOU, now-- just a little bit

IDIOT SAVANT:
Guess again, complete fool.

MARIE:

That hurts-- but I do find you most remarkable, though it hurts

IDIOT SAVANT:

She’s been caught

OLGA:

Stay away from me, please

IDIOT SAVANT:
I’ve caught your attention, but doesn’t that mean-- I’m really the one caught?

MARIE:

No-- my attention is trapped--

IDIOT SAVANT:

No-- I am smothered by your attention

MARIE:

So we’re both in trouble

(Pause. J goes)

IDIOT SAVANT: (To O, who hides)

She’s gone, so I no longer have to leave, in order to punctuate my presentation .

(Pause)

On the other hand, am I trapped? Help

(O goes to him)

No. Don’t come near me

(O starts to go)

Wait, don’t leave me alone

(Pause)

Now --what must I say to keep you from leaving me alone?

(Pause, goes)

No problem, I can remove myself just as easily as she can get remove herself

(Goes to door)

Except, I feel very comfortable here. Trapped-- but comfortable. Ah. Being trapped is being comfortable

OLGA:

I understand, I understand, the play called THE IDIOT SAVANT says I exist, but I am not the imaginary person called the Idiot Savant. But since it is the play called THE IDIOT SAVANT saying these words, is the play THE IDIOT SAVANT in fact-- a character in the play THE IDIOT SAVANT named the Idiot Savant?

.Since whoever speaks in the play THE IDIOT SAVANT, in order to speak, must be a character in the play THE IDIOT SAVANT

IDIOT SAVANT:
I am a character named the Idiot Savant, and I am in the play THE IDIOT SAVANT

OLGA:

Are you also in the ideas filling the brain of the Idiot Savant himself?

IDIOT SAVANT:
Yes, my character the Idiot Savant is trapped forever inside the ideas filling the brain of the Idiot Savant, as well as being inside the play THE IDIOT SAVANT.

MARIE: (re-entered)

Please, allow me also to be inside the play The IDIOT SAVANT

IDIOT SAVANT:
Nothing could be easier for me

MARIE:

How

IDIOT SAVANT:

You are now safely inside the play THE IDIOT SAVANT

MARIE:

You mean--

IDIOT SAVANT:

Yes Yes Yes

MARIE:

--Without knowing I was inside the play THE IDIOT SAVANT-- I was already inside the play THE IDIOT SAVANT

IDIOT SAVANT:

Certainly yes

MARIE:

But if I am inside the play THE IDIOT SAVANT, what I should be able to hear is the play THE IDIOT SAVANT, doing speaking

(Pause)

When I stop speaking, there is silence, and I no longer hear the play THE IDIOT SAVANT doing any speaking

IDIOT SAVANT:
That’s unfortunate poor fool, because in spite of your silence, the play THE IDIOT SAVANT is still speaking

OLGA:

Maybe it’s because there are no real human beings this room

IDIOT SAVANT:
Maybe

OLGA:

If there were real, flesh and blood human beings in this room, she could no doubt hear the play THE IDIOT SAVANT speaking through real human beings

IDIOT SAVANT:
Possibly. But in that case, possibly everything she might possibly hear, might possibly, be so very predictable it might possibly drive us to distraction!

MARIE: (exploding)

Possibly one day I shall understand these idiotic ideas that I do not understand!

IDIOT SAVANT:

Possibly one day-- my clarity, complete fool, will be your clarity also.

Nothing to explain.

Nothing to justify

Look ma-- no hands!

(whirls, laugh, idiocy)

MARIE:

My problem is as follows
The Idiot Savant, and the mystery of his happiness-- is the most interesting object to talk about-- or at least-- to ponder in private

But since he doesn’t really exist, there is nothing interesting to talk about or to ponder

OLGA:
But clearly, you think he exists

MARIE:

No I don’t really

OLGA:

But you do

MARIE:

No I don’t

OLGA:

Then you would never consider him the most interesting things to talk about or to ponder

MARIE:

To that extent-- correct. But isn’t it unfortunate when the most interesting and elusive and fascinating thing is the thing that doesn’t exist, or does that make it more interesting possibly?

OLGA:

The Idiot Savant

MARIE:

Yes

OLGA:

The Idiot Savant

MARIE:

If it doesn’t exist, then the interesting collision between The Idiot Savant and the mundane world of our mundane existence-- that interesting collision no longer exists-- so the subject is that much less interesting

OLGA:

We probably should never talk about this

MARIE:

Why not

OLGA:

There are probably more interesting things to talk about

MARIE:

Such as?

OLGA:

Complete fool! Complete fool! Complete fool!

MARIE:

I know why you’re frightened, I can tell what frightens you.

OLGA:

I am not frightened.

MARIE:

Is God watching us at every moment? Is that why you’re frightened-

OLGA:

Certainly not! Is the Idiot Savant watching us--? that may be a much more relevant concern

MARIE: (smiles)

You mean it may not be necessary for God to watch us because the Idiot Savant is watching over us? I don’t see him peeking.

OLGA:

How silly

MARIE:

I don’t even imagine him peeking

OLGA:

You mean because something important is happening he would be spying on us?

MARIE:

I mean the opposite

Important things are never noticed

OLGA: (pause)

They are the most noticeable things--

MARIE:

They are not important. Think of something not important

OLGA:

Sitting in this chair is not important

MARIE:

Furniture is never important?

OLGA: (pause)

Wrong. Furniture is very important

(Load in chairs)

MARIE:

Ah she herself now thinks --now we are about to find out something important. But the Idiot Savant himself has taught us the truth that the truth is there is no difference between important and unimportant things, and therefore I could easily switch subjects, and you might say --you’re changing the subject on me-- but you would never be smart enough to realize I was indeed changing the subject

OLGA:

Insolent fool

MARIE:

Who me?

OLGA: (pause)

As long as we’re going to change the subject--

MARIE:

Don’t you dare even THINK about that

(pause)

OLGA:

What about--

MARIE:

No!

OLGA:
(Pause)

What about the relationship between the play THE IDIOT SAVANT-- and some conceptually possible character of the imagination that-- God like-- takes on the intense reality of everything in one’s consciousness, even if it only exists in one’s consciousness

MARIE: (Pause)

A God, in other words

OLGA:

I’m certainly no speaking of the Idiot Savant

MARIE:

A God, in another one of his many disguises

OLGA:

Considering this, it seems to me that different Gods have taken on so many different disguises, it is impossible to think about this even.

MARIE:

God as a lion

OLGA:
Yes

MARIE:

God as the fiery sun in the sky

OLGA:

Why not

MARIE:

God as a giant duck

OLGA: (Pause)

That does seem ludicrous. But I shall imagine that also

MARIE:

Why does it seem ludicrous

OLGA:

It seems less appropriate--

MARIE:

God disguised as a swan?

OLGA:

That seems more appropriate

MARIE:

Arrogant fool--

OLGA:

You manifest as the arrogant fool, my dear-- to speak with such authority upon such complex and esoteric subjects

MARIE:

Arrogant fool

OLGA:

Remain seated-- you are the arrogant fool--

MARIE:

And you say furniture is not important

OLGA:

I never said such a thing--

MARIE:

If you ask for the impossible. you get it-- way of the world!

OLGA:

I never asked for this ridiculous GLUT of furniture.

MARIE:

Calm down please!

OLGA:

Don’t I look calm? I always look calm.

MARIE:

You look very excited

OLGA:

The more I look calm on the outside, the more excited I get on the inside

(Pause)

What’s inside me is alive, rather than dead. I’m hungry, hungry, hungry for life. I resent having to wear this-- artificial costume--

MARIE:

Do you think I look comfortable in my costume?

OLGA:

I am hungry for real life!

MARIE:

Would you like something to eat?

OLGA:

Life! That’s what I’d like to eat

MARIE:

Would you like to eat a sandwich of raw Duck?

OLGA:

NO!

MARIE:

Are you afraid to eat the flesh of God himself

OLGA:

Arrogant fool, raw duck is the flesh of no God I’ve ever heard spoken of.

MARIE:

Well, just bite into this sandwich and find out for yourself.

OLGA:

I have no intention of doing that

MARIE:

Just suppose, you were to re-define the innumerable items of food that you unknowingly conceptualize at the beginning of each day before you actually devour those items of food

OLGA:

I never devour my food

MARIE:

Oh, I bet you do devour things

OLGA:
I do not devour--

MARIE:

Somebody whispered privately into my ear about your devouring tendencies--

OLGA:
Idiot. Idiot. Imitation Idiot Savant--

MARIE:

You refer to my alter ego of course-- may I introduce you?

(enter Idiot Savant. leading a life sized duck)

OLGA:

That big duck is not allowed in this room-- out, out, out--.

MARIE:

Careful-- banish this duck and this duck might well return tonight and slice you to pieces

OLGA: (shocked)

Don’t say that even in jest

MARIE:

An emotion surfaces, fear surfaces--

( Lady Olga swoons)

Get up please

OLGA:

I can’t answer you from the floor, because I fell down

IDIOT SAVANT:

All that means is that now-- you have a different perspective

OLGA:

Oh Idiot Savant with your duck companion--

What I did most of all was hurt my nose when I fell down

MARIE:

She wants her nose fixed

OLGA:

No. No--It’s fine as a nose-- but I want it altered, not fixed

MARIE:

I think it has to be fixed

OLGA:

Why

MARIE:

It’s not the shape you most desire

OLGA:

The shape of my nose is fine, but I want to alter the function of my nose

IDIOT SAVANT:

Of the nose

OLGA:

Yes

IDIOT SAVANT:

Compared to this giant nose that fills you with emotion.

OLGA:

I feel no emotion

IDIOT SAVANT:

None at all? This giant duck that moves me to important emotions, by definition?

Emotions versus Duck--

which comes out on top.

The duck Icon

The duck material

The duck depth

(Pause)

If I duck enters the dining room, that duck is eaten

DEEP VOICE (of the duck):

I’d like a roast beef sandwich, please, please

MARIE:

Before you eat roast beef, Oh Duck-- perhaps you had better self-eat.

OLGA:

No-- I don’t see the connection

MARIE:

It’s so obvious. God-- as Duck. Therefore edible.

OLGA:

But all creatures are edible, though no creature eats its own kind

MARIE:

Is that true? I seem to remember--

OLGA:

Well certainly, no creature eats itself

MARIE:

Is that true?

OLGA:

Except in an emergency

MARIE:

How do we know whether this is an emergency for a duck?

IDIOT SAVANT:

But the Idiot Savant-- he feels no emergency whatsoever. He lives his normal life--

MARIE:

What does your normal life consist of, Oh Duck? Great Duck. Giant Duck?

DEEP VOICE:

My normal life. Sitting in my easy chair--

IDIOT SAVANT:

This seems normal--

DEEP VOICE:

Reading my newspaper--

IDIOT SAVANT:

Of course, of course--

DEEP VOICE:

Smoking my pipe.

OLGA: (waits)

Forgive me for saying so--

MARIE:

Oh Oh, here it comes--

OLGA:

A pipe, for a duck, seems a redundant appendage, since your duckbill already gives a very pipe-like effect

DEEP VOICE:

Dear ladies. This is, in fact, an insult to a Duck

OLGA:

We don’t see it like that

DEEP VOICE: (duck brought mirror, Idiot Savant. gets golf clubs)

Dear Ladies, where you see the grotesque--

MARIE:

We didn’t say that--

DEEP VOICE:

I in fact, see the beautiful.

OLGA:

Well Duck, if you think of your image as beautiful-- try hitting a golf ball

IDIOT SAVANT:

Whatever gave her such a strange idea

OLGA:

I believe that your large duckbill, located below eye-level, with interfere with your ability to play Golf

MARIE:

In spite of your insults, it does appear that this giant duck is willing to participate in such a scientific experiment

(Done, misses)

OLGA:

Missed. Missed again!

MARIE:

Now I understand-- this is just one more thing that makes being a duck less satisfactory than being a human being.

IDIOT SAVANT:

But the Idiot Savant must explain-- being a human being is somewhat less than satisfying quite in and of itself.

Certainly less satisfying-- to use you ladies as examples, than being a non-human theatrical presentation

OLGA:

Arrogant bastard, this is life-- real life--

IDIOT SAVANT:

Forgive me, but I am no arrogant bastard, but rather--

OLGA:

Arrogant bastard--

IDIOT SAVANT:
The Idiot Savant.

OLGA:

This is life, real life. This thing is called life.

IDIOT SAVANT:

Forgive me. This thing is called nothing.

MARIE:

Good. Let’s decide once and for all if this thing is called life or this thing is called nothing

IDIOT SAVANT:

Ah-- This is nothing-- called life

MARIE:

But how are we really going to decide?

IDIOT SAVANT:

You decide for us, please

MARIE:

I should decide how we are going to decide-- or I should just decide between life-- and nothing

IDIOT SAVANT:
Take your pick , please

MARIE: (Pause)

Nothing

IDIOT SAVANT:
Ah--life

MARIE:

If you say so, Idiot Savant

IDIOT SAVANT:

Brief. but to the point

OLGA:

That’s an anti-definition

IDIOT SAVANT:

That’s the criteria of any definition

MARIE:
Life is not brief and to the point.

IDIOT SAVANT:
What IS brief and to the point

MARIE:

Nothing.

IDIOT SAVANT:
Shall we argue that any description that one can give of life is incomplete

OLGA:

Exactly

IDIOT SAVANT:

Then -- it’s brief and to the point

MARIE:

Life? No-- life is the opposite

IDIOT SAVANT:

My dear friends-- if any definition given of life is brief and to the point-- it’s not life obviously. Then life is not describable

MARIE:

That’s right I suppose

OLGA:

Well, that description is brief and to the point, isn’t it?

IDIOT SAVANT:

Yes, but life isn’t

MARIE:

What could life possibly be, unless there’s a way to describe it?

OLGA:

More than a description

MARIE:

Don’t say MORE than a description, say OTHER than a description

OLGA:

OK.

MARIE:

No. That can’t be right, I’m afraid.

(Pause)

Other than any possible description-- that’s “Nothing”

OLGA:

Obviously, it would take a superior intelligence to figure this out

IDIOT SAVANT:

Not really, not really--

MARIE:

The Idiot Savant is no longer helping us to understand the world

OLGA:

Oh great Duck, help us.

(Pause)

IDIOT SAVANT:

It never says things

MARIE:

Even in Duck language?

OLGA:

There is none, alas

MARIE:

Even quacks

OLGA:

That is not a language

MARIE:

You mean-- it’s just my memory of a language

OLGA:

Correct

MARIE:

Quacks.

OLGA:

Correct

MARIE: (Pause)

Great Duck, we have come to you as a last resort.

IDIOT SAVANT:
Ah, you should have done so earlier

MARIE:

I was shy, great duck--

DEEP VOICE:

Shy? Shy with me? Why shy with me?

IDIOT SAVANT:

The Idiot Savant knows the answer. The Idiot Savant knows that all things she can think about God express themselves in a babble that is not translatable.

So she, poor arrogant fool, keeps running up against a wall of language that smashes her mental mechanism to pieces, the same way that my own mental mechanism has been smashed to pieces,

and a reorganization of her/my mental apparatus--

which makes visible to us both

what has heretofore not been visible--

and I sigh

and I beat my breast

and I roll on the floor in frenzy

speaking the unknowable language that expresses what is inside me

inside this nothing

full of nothing

full

full full full full!

(Quacks)

THE END

THE IDIOT SAVANT

by Richard Foreman