CalArts
Richard pg.
I know you will never believe this—but there is a thematic center to life which is being denied,
And therefore, catastrophe is just around the corner.
And what will be the form taken by that catastrophe?
It will be hardly noticeable
Then it will be no catastrophy
Really?
Why do I feel like crying?
Tell me
My whole life—since I was a child—my deepest wish was to have all my wishes gratified
But sometimes—I’m not at all sure what those wishes are that I hope to have gratified.
Is this the catastrophy of which you speak?
In each moment, at every small twist in the course of things, inside the tiniest event—catastrophy is hidden
It is a catastrophy to give up on such dreams
--that’s what you mean by catastrophy?
You will be happy, unless really bad things start happening behind your back
If they happen behind my back?
You’ll feel their effects without knowing the source of things
The source of things is a mystery. OK? But I like mysteries.
(Pause)
Some people figure out ways to turn unhappiness to their advantage. You won’t be one of those peple. Howevere, you may be lucky. You may be, most of the time—happy. – well, luck in a certain sense
I am beholden to you for small moments of happiness.
You are a perfect person
No. You are the perfect person.
Please. Let me be a hero in somebody else’s eyes
What do you really have in mind
Here it is. The enlightenment of last chances
I have nothing in my head
(Pause)
OK. There is no higher knowledge. There is no enlightenment. The universe exists as a totally—impenetrable mystery. Yet here, locally, the mystery evaporates.
What does this man know that I don’t know
Once upon a time, in the past, there was a name for this thing which eludes, always, human understanding
But it was a bad name.
Since now, there is no name for this unknowable thing, do we say this is a good thing, that there is no name?
No. this has it’s unfortunate aspect also. Since what has no name, slowly vanishes. Not that it is not, forever invisible, and so there is no real vanishing of the invisible—but there is a vanishing of the invisible.
That unknowable—is no longer a void which promises the the end of this world. There is no longer the promise of the end of this world, except in catastrophy, and that is never somethig interesting. Catastrophy is never interesting. And an end to this world which would be interesting—that is something different which is, alas, no longer possible. So this world is here, as it is, and tere is no longer a name for that thing which is beynd human understanding, because there is noting beyond human understanding, and that is the catastrophy which tells of the end of the world.
What am I? I am in fact an angel, come to tell you that you must save the world by escaping from this world
If I escape
Yes
Then the world is not saved, because simply escape from the world and that does not save the world.
Wrong. If you escape, then the world—changes
To where do I escape
Here. Right here.
But when I leave, when I escape-Yes, you leave where you are
I am here
You leave
And where?
No where. Here.
(Pause)
My task, after all, is to be a human being
But you’ve acomplished that—
I mean, better than I am
No, you will never be better than you are now, this minute, this pathetic—human being thing—you’ve tried it. Does it work?
I suppose not.
That’s the wrong answer. It works. And now—you escape
How?
You just—escae
If I don’t know how, then don’t escape
Why do you need a name for it
I can’t handle it if I don’t have a name for it
You’ll never be able to handle it my friend
Then I give up.
I’m waiting.
For what
I’m waiting to see you give up
I’ve given up
No. You haven’t given up. You haven’t given up. Can you understand that? Mean deeply understand that? You simply haven’t GIVEN UP
Do you really believe that some human beings have the ability to read other human being’s minds?
I wish it were possible
That’s not what I asked.
Why do you ask such things
(Pause)
See? I’m afraid of you after all
This isn’t the true subject matter that obcesses me
What subject matter obcesses you
I’ll never tell
You will tell. I will put pressure on you until you tell me
Ok. Some human beings have the ability to read other human beings minds
Ok. First you say that, then you say “help help help” and clutch your head between your two hands
If I refuse
If you reuse—it’s not a question of punishmet, it’s just a question of being denied rewards that are certainly due you—that you really truly, deserve.
(Pause)
Don’t you want such rewards?
Yes
And what do you want even more than you want the rewards of your desire
Well, my first impulse was to say—punishment—but I don’t really want punishment.
Slo perhaps—I should say—excitement
Excitement
Yes. You want excitement. And from which direction should that excitement possibly arrive
I have my available directions
Right, you are a place in the exact center of many possible directions
To say something so obvious is to risk making mental telepathy a believeable phenomenon
It’s already believeable, but is it a fact?
In this case, in this time and place—yes.
After all, to offend you is to be of assistance.
Let’s shake on it—no—I reconsider my hand
Put those hands in the appropriate pockets
Here, I’ll make the space around the hand a space pocket
I know. You’re trying to cause an explosion
My explosion inevitably gets lost in the field of explosions, which-- invisible—nevertheless, wipes out the most important memories
I thought you were going to say something other than memories
Yes. But I collected my mental matter—
How many space pockets did you have to empty to come up with that tiny bit of mental matter
I can’t answer when I collect my thoughts
But you don’t
But I don’t, because I want to keep moving through space
And still you don’t
That’s Ok. If I’m not moving, something else is always moving
What
I don’t know
Doesn’t that make you happy?
I don’t know
This is dead soon.
You don’t know what I’m talking about, but that’s Ok.
Dead soon is dead sooner or later.
Here, match my happiness index. You too can spit on my life
Don’t think f me as peverse. Think of me as an angel. Light headed. Happy to be almost alive
It is, of course, the Messiah for whom I am waiting.
It is of course, the Messiah who knocks on the door of my house
It is true, of course, that a word is being chosen to name some other word.
God himself does the following
Hungry for mistakes.
Here is a new way to use the mind.
I am, I admit, hungry, very hungry
Can you keep up with me? Am I running vbery fast?
But—you haven’t started
Oh? Did I say otherwise?
Yu were entertaining the notion of running fast
Mentally or physically
(Pause)
Mentally
I’m a physical person
Obviously not
See? That proves how fast I go mentally
I am no longer afraid
I am no longer afraid
This is a good time of the year
The real is what destroys you, make contact with the real and it destroys you
Everything that is real and wonderful, is beyond us
Not here. No way, here, to touch it
Look that fact squarly in the eye
Look for that silence, inside sadness
Accept that heaviness, felt, as the heaviness of the world
Amidst friend, you find yourself lying. You lie to your friends
To look beyod your friends, this is your only hope
You will never be able to express yourself
Friends are your prison
There are things here, not visible
You will never know what’s real, will you. Whatever you think is real, yu invented it. It’s not real
Guess what. I only like to sa things because they never say what I’m trying to express. Therefore I like to say things because they never say what I’m trying to say. Therefore I like to say things. Because I find it impossble to say things
Ok. Let’s put your arm in this thing. Now I’ll start to twisting. Does it hurt?
Yes
There is no need for this stuff.
But can it seem like normal stuff—even if there is no need for this stuff
Lok. I am floating over the city. I am twisting and turning in space—like a cloud that is a body of flesh and blood, but more various, more maliable than a normal humAn body
He had no reason to doubt the good wishes of friends
Yes, Christ was always good to me. Christ was, in a sense, not my friend, but the one who opened a door I needed to have opened.
He could indeed, show me the way to a better word.
His world and my world both,
Talking about happiness?—
Oh, I recognize that word
I haven’t compleed my sentence
Anything can be complete, in and of itself
Is that happiness, in your book?
I don’t choose either of those two possible faces
You push me into new territory, I suppose
Oh, I lost it
Lost what
(Pause)
I still lost it
If you lost it, it must be lost
Help me
(Pause)
How can I help you if you lost it
If I lost it, I need help
What did you lose
What did I lose?
I don’t know, but you know
I myself, I know what I did lose
(Pause)
My zest for life. I lost it
What did you lose, help me
(Pause)
No. You help me
You have to help me so I can help you
Please. Make me feel important
Certainly. But how am I to make you feel important
Allow the twists and turns of my mental apparatus to be superior to your own mental aparatus
In what way superior
That will be self evident,
But if I allow this, then it doesn’t follow that I am important enough to make you feel important
Ah. No system works
OK. Does anything work?
Yes. The moment of improvisation in response to a situation
Then a situation is necessary
Yes
This situation?
(Pause)
This situation is Ok
But what’s inside the situation
Well, waiting for an accident
Eventually, there is always an accident
But until there’s an accident—
Here it comes—
What?
I said, here it comes
Until there’s an accident, there’s no situation
Ok. Plop. That was an accident
What was
Plop
No. That’s just something you choose to articulate, for understandable reasons
Yes. Think I was imitating an accident
(Pause, falls)
Yes.
You can’t be a hundred per-cent sure it was an imitation
Plop.
1)
Faster, faster
I will never give names to phenomenon that insist upon visibility
Believe me, believe me. What I see I never name
I never name
2)
You too, are around me now like a vocabulary
Can I punch out vowels?
Can I make explosions of milk and burnt lions
Who roar out?
I’m here for you.
I’m really here for you
3)
My raincoat is packed.
The heavens allow everything
So I too
Close shaved
Knife into the face
As deep
Gluttony
Dressed in red
Dressed in red
4)
Collected, but not mental
Oh no
A head
For that slow roll into space
That bounces
Yes, to what here, I have divulged
Shoot me
(Pause, smiles)
Visionary experience, please?
(Pause)
hello? Where are you hiding?
Yes, to what, here, I have discovered
Shoot me up
(Pause. Smile)
Visionary experience, please
(Pause)
Hello? Where are you hiding?
Do you realize what is happening?
The walls are falling down
People are alone in small apartments, surrounded by personal items.
Sometimes, pictures on the wall, a few, sucking at private dreams
Do you realize what is happening?
A certain number of trains are on time. Others miss
Things. . .miss other things
The beyond which is believable holds me
Do you realize what is happening?
Reasons for existence are tumbling forward
Special trains go even further—holes in time and space
Do you realize
Old light gives way to new light, and then it all comes round again in a fraction of a second
Music goes out through the ears
End of things arrives at a new beginning, and the wallpaper,
Satisfied,
Crosses at all times a separate existence
Spent by wasting time
A man who is a giant, uses a knife to—
Nothing analyses the end of the world better than I analyze the end of the world
It’s time to give up on this
I know
What do you know
I know all about you
(Pause)
It’s time to give up on all this
And? What follows
What follows is total self-indulgence
This is work.
A certain kind of work, being done in secret
What kind of work/ Impossible to say
--It doesn’t look like work
It’s work. It’s very definitely work
What kind of work is this work
This work is definitely work
(Pause)
Is it thinking
It’s not really thinking, but it uses the mind
In what way does it use the mind
H, it uses the mind. But there is no way to say in what way it uses the mind
(Pause)
Then I don’t think it uses the mind
Wrong
Prove me wrong
(Pause)
Convinced?
(Pause)
Yes. Now I am convinced
There is a hole in the middle of my thinking. There is a hole in my thinking that my thinking cannot touch
Use your thinking to touch that hole
No. When my thinking approaches that hole, that hotel vanishes
Then it’s obviously not a particularly powerful hole
Wrong. It’s a powerful hole. When my thinking approaches that hole, that hole vanishes
Then it’s no longer a hole
It’s a hole, and my thinking can’t touch that hole
I can try to attach myself to the desirable things
What are the desirable things
To what things am I attaching myself
(Pause)
This is not obvious
(Pause)
You are attaching yourself to the light in this room that makes things visible. Am I right?
Right again
Ok. I psyched you out
(Pause)
I am challenging your assumptions about me personally
I personally don’t think you have much of a personality
Pick up on my personal music, please;/
What’s available?
I don’t know
You don’t know
Teach me
Teach what
Whatever you have to teach me, teach me
What do I have to teach
(Pause)
I’m supposed to tell you what you have to teach
Right
This is what you are teaching me—
I don’t say what I’m teaching you
How come
(Pause)
What are you teaching me
What am I teaching you
I have nothing more to say and I say it
That sounds good
He found his way in the dark
Why was it dark
Because—were his eyes closed?
No
Was the electricity off
No
Ok. So why was it dark
Here is a man who tried to be outside time. He is in time, of course, but he tried to be outside time
Here comes the boat
There could be different aspects of arrival and departure, but ‘here comes the boa’ means, in those sense, that which is already here.
(What boat)
Immediately!
--wait
Please. Hit me immediately
Why immediately
I don’t like to wait.
Immediately
No. I will not move from where I am
I will not enter time, and or, adventure..
I can’t do it alone. I need your cooperation
I refuse to cooperate
You wouldn’t like a little excitement?
I spit on your idea of excitement
(excitement?
(refuse movement. Drift)
The most unlikely solution is the best solution
Here is a man for whom a play is being presented for him only
Here is a man, entertaining a variety of ways to withdraw from the forward motion of his life. Seeking timelessness. I.e., another dimension
I don’t want to know what’s behind this world
Protect me from knowing
(protect me from knowing our essential condition)
This keeps me from seeing what’s really there, thank God
Don’t worry. I put meaning into things at the last minute
First I cultivate a field,
Then I punctuate to reveal the meaning that has been growing invisibly in that field
Ah, this is what we’re after
Es.
Render this null and void!
Everything is worn out.
There’s nothing I’m interested in
Yet I’m interested!
That just means you’re interested in finding something interesting
We are at work against ourselves to thicken the brew of our productivity
So hidden collaborations produce---? What?
If consciousness were all, then it would be a one dimensional world
I just lost part of my brain
I have been cheated. Part of my brain has been taken away from me—as a result—I am on automatic pilot
Here we are
To breed
To proliferate
To make things happen
On and on
Pattern on pattern
Things change into other things
How should my brain (consciousness)
Insert into this mechanism
For withdrawal (escape)
The monstrous thing
Is that good and bad
Must
be
THERE IS SOMETHING MORE TO THIS. . . .
My deepest feelings, hide, are expected to hide
Hide what
What can’t be known
What I don’t know is overwhelming to me. Thank goodness, I am being overwhelmed
Here, hold onto this
Why
Oh, for stability
Do I want stability. No. I do not want stability
Then you’d stop talking
Oh no—
Please. That talking I hear is Mr. X in search of a certain stability.
No. Mr. X says things because he knows that in saying things he knows he’s always saying more than he thinks he’s saying
(Pause)
Get it?
The more I say the more I get de-stabilized
If you say so
I fifty pr-cent say so
So—grab onto this
Why not
(Pause)
Which direction do you want to start moving
Can’t you feel the slight twitch, coming from my hand
That twitch doesn’t seem to have any particular sense of direction
Messiah
No I am the Messiah
Perhaps I am the messiah
I choose to hide this from you
I choose to hide
How live and think in this light that is indifferent to our existence
The quality of this light is indifferent to me and my efforts
What efforts are you making
Language is finished. We no longer use language
But you’re using it
Well, I’m using it to say it’s finished
But that’s using it
OK. I’m still using language, but it’s different because I no longer care to use language in a particularly good way—I just use it
But you use it
It’s just—a vector. Not a place to build palaces or cathedrals
Language—
Boom!
A vector in language is still language
It’s a vector
(Moves)
This is a vector
(Lights)
This is a vector
(Thud. Pause. Thud)
That noise effects my body.
(points to head)
What part of your body is up here
No. That’s part of YOUR body, not my body
(Thud)
We shared that
Yes
Where did we share that
We shared that in lots of places
(exits)
Ah. You could say we’re still sharing, even though that means in different places in the sense that a closed door has come between us
(Pause)
However, there are things that separate us more than closed doors. I.e. Is it possible that a vector could separate us? I don’t think so. I think we share all vectors even though we don’t know we share all vectors.
I can walk by myself. I don’t need help
You need help. Everybody needs help
Oh? Oh? What kind of help. Is this help? I don’t think so
(pause)
Where am I going in this situation, please?
You will never be as smart as you are, right now
Look. Your mind is a mirror
Ok. Ok. For extra planetary influence. Ideas—make from sunlight itself,
And then take off
Take off
I can’t leave the ground
Take off!
I am afraid Germans are going to kill me
Leverage starts at the lower levels
There is no bounce
Somebody could be on top of this situation
X-rayed by my own hesitation
I am hard on myself, I know
Fructification until death
Why is it that violence is the only poetry left
Dying to one life is coming alive to a second life
Guaranteed?
Oh, nothing is guaranteed
But that “nothing is guaranteed’ is in fact the second life I was talking about
Right. You were evidently talking to me and I was only half understanding
Come into the world
Come into the real world
Come back into the world
It’s true.
I do resonate amongst these ancient monuments. But why are you following me?
For help, of course
I can’t help, my friend
I’ve never been led to believe otherwise.
Right. Use me
How can I do that
Use me
I’m very unhappy here.
Ah I do resonate amongst these monuments
Here in Egypt, where I do belong. Resonating amongst the pyramids
Please doctor, this is not your appropriate location
Really? I had best establish myself where I feel congenial.
OH GREAT SPHINX
I’m not going to allow anybody to question my motives, get it?
I’m not going to allow anybody to question my motives.
I want to be allowed into this room
I want to be allowed into this room, where everybody seems so intense
I want to be allowed into this room where, it is my intuition, spiritual issues take prescidence.
This may or may not be true, but I want to be allowed in such a room
When I twist my
Magic ring
Guess what
Guess what
Behind my back
Ice cold
Suddenly I recognize you
Behind my back
Speed rails
That’s what I climb up on
Speed rails
How can I get to feel
Good al over
What’s the best way to feel
Good all over
Radio city
Radio city
I dreamt I went
To radio city
Standing around while people do things
Lots of my life is like that
Standing around while people do things
There is a rumbling behind me
I am moving forward
And there is
A rumbling behind me
Look,
This twists in my brain
Thought it is visible
Only in my body
THE MESSIAH COMES IN TEN MINUTES
How to use this life
What use to best make of this life
That was my problem
How to use this life
OK. One easy answer is to serve others. But serving others could easily mean helping others to get through life in a way that was not making the best use of such a life
Rhythm helps. If there is a rhythm at work
This is not Good
This is not SUPPOSED to be good
My body has to be stressed in a certain way—in order for my mind to have original thoughts which keep my brain lively.
(Pause)
I need something to lean on
Let’s hear an idea
This beautifully set table, gives me ideas about how to seduce people
The question is, is being here, conceivably as exciting as leaving here or arriving here.
I don’t think so. Being here is simply not as exciting as leaving here or arriving here.
Even reduced to it’s most local level. Being here in this room. If it’s a mere room, it can be now and then exciting. But leaving this room, or entering this room, is this not more exciting than being in this room
What’s it like—to live in this house?
We live (simultaneously) on two planes, searching for the point at which they meet.
(Katz
language-conscious image)
(Why did I leave out (forget) the word “simultaneously” (ehrenzweigh. Katz-irrational bkk)
psychoanalyst:
talk of faces eyes
enter police—take this drug! How dare you practice analysis
Because, the construct is great poetry, into which reality can transform itself)
I could never manage to be alone with myself
Wrong. You are alone right now
Do I see through you?
Look into my eyes
Ah. Then I do vanish
What’s left when you vanish
(Pause)
I am alone with myself without knowing I am alone with myself.
I don’t know how to be creative
I’m here, but I’m not being creative
Try harder
If I try harder I’m not creative
Then do the opposite
Wait a minute
What
You do the opposite
The opposite of what
The opposite of what you’re doing right now
(other exit)
Now I feel creative. But there’s nobody around to give resonance to my creativity
(Knocks)
Come in
If I start following your orders—
--yes?
(Pause)
It’s Ok. In fact, what difference does it make since you could possibly prompt me into something interesting
You mean, some interesting adventures?
Yes—it would be my adventure, after all—even if you were the one who made it happen
(Pause)
My options right now are limited
Offer me a drink
That’s not enough
Ok. I’ll press my luck
(Pause. Both exit)
This piece of furniture will have to stand in for that. . .magic object that I could easily call my revelatory encounter.
Now wait a minute—
if I walked out into the street,
would I be even more likely to encounter
something that could genuinely change my life?
I don’t think so.
And in the same way—
If I sit or don’t sit—
Somehow, there had better be a category that doesn’t
Partake of either of these two opposites
Then I’ll be on to something big,
So let’s find out.
(enter)
I expected to enter bearing gifts
That would hardly be appropriate, because anything you could conceptualize as a gift would place me under unfortunate obligations
(Pause)
Then why don’t you go.
Now—should I or should I not go
Then sit down
Hey—I’m not discussing the opposites I somehow intuit
Then you better make radical changes
I’d like to, but I don’t know how
(Pause)
I certainly don’t know how
(Pause. Both exit)
EMPTINESS:
WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON HERE
CAST OUT THE NET
THEN: (HOOKS IN THINGS)
EMPTINESS (GAP) DELAY
JUMPS—EMPTINESS
Emptiness wanted to enjoy itself
Made (tiny) universe
All that arises
Is to circle back to enjoy emptiness
But: louts just as a DELAY
To that return.
That delay = consciousness
Delay—I flash, lurch. Voice phrases
CONVERSATION BETWEEN MR. X AND MR. Y.
(Mr. X and Mr. Y are sitting at the edge of something bright, turbulent, and impressive. They sip drinks and smile. Other people stand around, ready to serve them more drinks, whenever they desire more drinks than they are now drinking.)
I know you will never believe this—but there is a thematic center to life which is being denied, and therefore, the real catastrophe (I mean—the real catastrophe) is just around the corner.
And what will be the form taken by that real catastrophe?
Because it will be real, it will hardly be noticeable.
Then it will be no catastrophe.
That may be correct.
Ok. Why do I feel like crying?
You tell me.
Because I am about to e unhappy?
Oh no, you will be very happy—unless, or course, really bad things start happening behind your back.
If they happen behind my back?
You’ll feel their effects without knowing the true source of things.
The source of things is a mystery? That’s Ok because I like mysteries.
Some people are lucky. Some people figure out ways to turn unhappiness to their advantage. However, you won’t be one of those people. However, then again, you may be lucky. You may -- most of the time— be reasonably happy. Well, that’s lucky in a certain sense of the word--
Then I am beholden to you for small moments of happiness and mystery, because the truth of the matter is-- I don’t really want to know what’s behind this world. Do protect me from knowing such things.
Do you understand, my friend, that you have just lost part of your brain? You have been cheated, my friend. Part of your brain has been taken away from you. As a result— you are on automatic pilot.
Automatic pilot? Humm. . . Then it follows that I myself don’t know those things that are overwhelming to me. Thank God--
Here, hold onto this small morsel of emptiness--
Why?
For stability of course. All these words that go bouncing back and forth between us—isn’t this just Mr. X talking to Mr. Y in search of a certain stability? Or do Mr. X and Mr. Y says things because they both know that in saying “things” they are always saying more than anybody else (--Mr. Z in particular) thinks they are saying?
(Pause)
Get it? The more I say the more you and I get de-stabilized!
But is that desirable?
Of course! That is highly desirable!
You mean—tumbling from these comfortable chairs—
Unfortunate, isn’t it. But these mere pieces of furniture will have to stand in for that magic object we could easily name our revelatory encounter. But wait a minute--!
(He rises, and opens a door)
If we were to walk through this door, out into the dangerous streets, would we be even more likely to encounter something that could genuinely change a person’s life?
I don’t think so.
Probably not.
(Mr. Z walks through the open door. Mr. X and Y are visibly startled. Mr. Z says—don’t be alarmed. I expected to enter bearing gifts, but there was a miscalculation--)
It would hardly have been appropriate, would it? Because anything you, sir, could conceptualize as a gift-- would place me under unfortunate obligations.
(Pause)
Why don’t you go away?
Wait a minute—maybe he should not go just yet--
Then he should sit down.
No, I don’t think we should go.
WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON HERE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN? EMPTINESS WANTED TO
ENJOY ITSELF. SO IT MADE ONE SMALL AND PARTICULAR UNIVERSE IN WHICH EVERYTHING
THAT HAPPENS CIRCLES BACK UPON ITSELF IN ORDER TO PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT FOR
EMPTINESS, WHICH WAS AN EMPTINESS THAT WANTED TO ENJOY ITSELF, IN THE MIDST
OF IT’S OWN EMPTINESS.